For "You the one that I Love".

I’m not the prettiest girl out there. 

I don’t have the best physical assets that might attribute to someone’s liking. 

Shit, I probably don’t have a lot of the things someone would want in a girl. 

I probably have a lot of the characteristics that others would look past in an instant. 

I’m problematic, emotional, overanalytical, and at times hateful towards myself. 

I’m secretive, aloof, and sometimes I expect more than what I can handle.

I’m odd, weird, and troublesome. I think too much, I’m too sad sometimes. 

I hesitate a lot when it comes to big decisions. 

I’m often over-looked. I’m very selfish. 

I’m under the influence too much, ‘cause I feel like my life is boring. 

I sing my heart out to let go, ease the stress, or because I just need that daily fix. 

I’m, most of the time, a constant mess. 

I’m usually in ruts and bad situations that I put upon myself. 

I’m too much of this, too much of that. 

Not enough of this, not enough of that. 

But despite it, if you can handle all of what I am and you ain’t scared, I’ll let you in with the warmest of welcomes and in the realest of ways.

Sidenotes:

Thank you for not sending me to the asylum despite my crazy goodnight calls, middle in the morning texting and random out of the blue I Love You. I know I am hard to keep up with at times.

Go ahead. Make my day.

It's been a week since the blog went on Private Viewing only. It was due to the fact I had fanatic readers that went splurging statuses on their respective Facebook wall criticizing my previous post about my tree-hugging enemies over the other part of Malaysia. Since I was lazy to like counter back every single thing they posted, I decided to went on semi-hiatus and forget everything for a week.

So it's been a week since I last posted and now I'm back with points that would end up both of them, (well my tree-hugging friends) to splurge and paint their walls with my name and unrelated pictures that they thought would get me irritated and pissed. I was amused seriously, and no heart taken on anything that was posted by them neither. But I would like to say a few things only.

1) She is guilty nevertheless for lying to me and my friend.

2) You're not that good either so please stop pretending that you're the one being blamed for nothing.

3) I didn't humiliate you totally yet although everyone told me to do so, so please don't trigger me.

4) Don't be so humble, you're not that great.

5) Even your friends, few days back posted how suck KL is so I guess we're even.

Okay enough talking about both of you that's been wasting my time, sweat and tears and less to say money? Back to self rambling now.

Birthday is coming right up soon. Like any other birthday I am always looking forward to it although it is just another day passing by. But I am excited for this year birthday as, I am presenting myself a new place to live in. Deposit plus rental, it's one heck of a birthday gift for myself. Well the new place is nice, gated with security, gym, nice view and other facilities. So if I still look like a plum this upcoming months, please smack me in the ass and tie me up to the treadmill.

What do I wish for this year birthday? 

Like every other birthday, good health for me and my family, undying love from my friends and loved one, and lots of gifts. Okay, I was just joking on the last part of the sentence. But I do accept cheques, may it be Cash Cheque or Deposit Cheque under my name. Hope my daddy would like deposit a few hundred to spend on my birthday. I promised I would spend it wisely on a nice birthday dinner for myself. 

Please Daddy, I promise I be nice.

Sidenotes:

Coincidentally, my birthday is a public holiday over there for my tree-hugging friends to celebrate the joy of harvesting. 

Oh well, I am not complaining am I?

Today is the morning...

Where every side of the bed is wrong.

Yesterday night I had a few issues with myself, my loved one and my past. Well it all started with my past, who decided to be a total a-hole and made me upset through out the day.

Playing even is nice, but then I just don't get it the purpose of deceiving me and lied to me about everything. The co-partner of the whole deceiving process is another b-hole who lied to me and my friend. People could just pretend to you. I think she should win an Emmy for deceiving me and my friend. Please don't tell me you did that because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. If you're a female and you're in my shoes, oh well to sum it up karma is a bitch my dear. As cliche as it may sound, what goes around comes around. Let us see how you handle it this time. I'm glad its over, I'm glad you could accept your fate. I'm glad you could accept everything. Him, his little one and his family. At least now I don't have to learn your native language nor have to worry I might have to live in a tree house someday and eat tapioca for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Yes, playing even is nice. My blog, my mouth, my fingers. I could type, say and mean every single words typed in here. Same goes to Facebook, I could splurge everything I want in there. Because it's mine. So don't tell me to take stuff off there, as it's mine. So funny and so adult of you my significant past, as if there's no other way to tell me what you had to tell me yesterday. So matured of you. Of well, we were never meant to be together in the first place, should have dump you from the day I saw that paper saying that you're married. What was I thinking? Love is blind, was blind, and still blinded with your whole playing innocent ego.

Oh well, no used of grumbling about it now. She choose you because she doesn't have any other choice really. Yes, I am mean like that. Hope you guys lived happily ever after with a van of kids.

Okay that's enough for now. I could bitched whole day and might took the whole blog page to describe how pissed I am.

Meanwhile, this morning I woke up with an aching body. Back bone feels like cracked in the middle and shoulder feels like as if I grew wings on it. Felt as if I could use more sleep, I tried to snuggle in with my pillows and blanket. Tossed and turned. 

By the time I had enough of tossing myself like hot bread that just got out of the oven it was already 9.15 am. As usual, checked the cat's food, water and cleaned her poo-poo. Bathe, and got ready for work. Wore my contacts lens and it just wouldn't stick to my eye. Right eye was okay. The left eye that bugs me. The contacts went right up the eye lid. Yes, ouch really.

Blinked, eye drops, blinked, massaged, more eye drops and finally it came out. I thought maybe because I didn't soaked it long enough for it to freshen up and moist enough for my eye, so I took my second contact lens case as I opened two pairs of lenses this month. This time the right side went up the eye lid. Yes, the whole blinked, and more blink steps occurred until it popped out.

Today couldn't just get any worst.

Here I am now at work, just done breakfast. Feeling less crappy, but still a little upset over everything that happened yesterday. I wished I could just close my eyes and pretend I was invisible for a second. 

Well, maybe for more than a second. 

Gazillion seconds maybe?

Sidenotes:

Happy 14th Birthday to my sister Eleanor, I didn't forget your birthday. Just that I didn't had the chance to reload my Maxis number. I love you and everyone always.

Eryn Azrin's status is based on a true story. Names and places have been changed to protect identities.

Facebook.

It seems like it's taken over the function of other Internet applications such as the Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger and AIM. Yes, I do have all three of the mentioned messengers.

Why so many, some may asked me. Well, my university friends adores Yahoo Messenger better than other messengers. Besides YM works on slow connection compared to Windows Live that goes haywire when you're on a slow F' up connection. AIM, is because of well I don't really know why I actually had them.

Probably I thought it was a cool idea of having it back then. 

Anyway, back to Facebook.

I seldom get online on any of my messenger lately after the evolution of Facebook. Because, I think everything you need to know about your friend is in Facebook. It does all the little spying job for you without even saying Hi or Hello, how are you doing?  

Besides connecting friends, spying on them and getting attention my loved ones couldn't give me with Facebook, I used Facebook for other reasons as well. To lashed out my emotions on a bad day, connect with my faithful blog readers and also smothering my loved one's walls if they decided to turn off their handphones.

Okay, I might be a little exaggerating on the last sentence.

Today I received a comment from a primary school friend after wishing her Happy Birthday on her wall.

MWW: Thanks Azrin!!.. love your status-es by the way.

EA: You're welcome..haha..whats there to love about it anyway?

MWW: I dunno.. just very nice to read and so much meaning and depth to it.. ;)

It's funny when someone said my status updates are very nice to read.

Because sometimes I do get this kind of messages in my inbox :

"I know you're talking about me on your status" 

"I know it's about me.."

"Why don't you just pee on my wall?"

Yes, I do received hate-mail just because of my status update.

It is funny, well more of hilarious actually because sometimes my status update are quoted off from a song, movie or anything that crossed my mind or eyes that particular day. Sometimes it wasn't meant for anyone nor about me as well. Sometimes it was posted as a self reminder for me, but the next day when I come online, I was left to read with debates between my friends of what I posted.

Apparently my words seems to touched people's hearts.

Sidenotes:

Even this blog gets hate-mail / hate comments as well.

Tee-hee.

May the force be with you in the month of May.

Tick tock, tick tock.

It's already May. 6th of May to be exact. Which mean another 25 days to my birthday.

Turning 23 this year seems to be something that I've been looking forward to for the past 5 months of the year 2010. Not really a significant age number, but so far it's been a very bouncy year for me.

Let me re-cap or review on how's my life going so far through out the quarter of the year of 2010.

Love life: 

It's a question with a lot of possible answers, sometimes good. Sometimes bad, sometimes cranky. Sometimes I just don't get it. Sometimes I just don't give a damn as well. Probably the muse or feud over this "relationship" or "strings of attachment" would only be answered the day I say "I do".

Friends: 

Starting to hate the bunch of friends I have, starting to think they're not worth befriending with. It's not the trust issue we have to work on, but if you're my friend, don't give me "you'll be there for me" bullshit when you're not here when I need you.

Work:

Going on okay.

Family:

No comment.

Myself:

Happy, contented with life, well at least I think so. It's only been May, another 6 more months before the year end and for me to see for myself what I've achieved or accomplished in life.

Okay, enough of self reflection. It's time for wish-list!

23rd birthday, meaning 23 things on my birthday wish-list. 

I'm kidding. 

But I do have my eye on all "Cotton On" stuff from their cardigans, shorts, tops and shoes. Maybe I'll treat myself a birthday shopping trip with my next salary.

Oh yeah, by the way I've been wearing contact lenses for the past 3 days and sort of forgotten how I look like with glasses on. Also bought myself a very striking pink colour sneakers, so bright you could locate me 100 feet away in the dark.

Since I'm wearing contact lens, now my hand itches for sunnies. Nothing Ray Ban like, I think it would make me look like a blind person rather than a cool one. Now that's another birthday wish-list item.

May, please be gone soon. I'm just so excited turning 23.

Sidenotes:

Happy 3rd month of trying to be on the same wavelength with me my loved one.