I love seeing you in Brown, not white nor black.

"Never go to bed mad. Stay awake and plot horrible revenge."

Things seems to be looking brighter on the other side of life lately. Sometimes things seems to be a little shitty too. But standing at the corner of my mind, nothing seems to be perfect it seems in his eyes. 

Everything seems to be out of order, out of line and out of service.

Out of touch.

Furthermore, out of love.

Some may not understand, some may not give a damn, and some couldn't care less either.

It's funny when you tried and tried and tried numerously and nothing seems to be enough.

Nor satisfying.

Life sucks balls, nuts and banana when what you've become is not something that makes you happy, but hoping it would make everyone else is happy.

They say I'm lucky.

Some said I'm blessed.

While I think I am going mad with everything. I need them. I need him and I need the others as well.

It's been a while since I last cried and it seems forever since I last had a laugh.

I need to be cracked, at the same time I'm cracked.

Not like Humpty Dumpty. But more like steam egg with sesame oil and pepper like the ones my dad used to cook for us.

So fragile so firm yet breaks by the touch of a spoon.

What's going on with me, only God, erm no, he knows. 

 Okay, today is not a good day for me nor my loved ones. Thank you for the texts messages and calls to everyone thats being so thoughtful and concerned.

I'll get back to each and everyone of you soon, I promise.

I'm going to leave this post and rest for now with the chatter sounds of Izwan and the others.

As usual, I love you, them and yes, you too as you're reading this.

Sidenotes:

1) In my opinion, you always look good in Brown and yes, I miss you a lot. I hope you could hear me out for just a minute. But if you could give me more than a minute, you'll be the best'est of the best I ever had.

2) Tasha, the cat just passed away. Bad news, after bad news I'm receiving.

Whats next?

Marry me.

Dearest blog of mine,

I had a sleepless night yesterday and I think you're the only one I could confide in without having you babble something back at me.

Last night, I received an sms from someone asking me to marry him. I was like breathing a tempo of "wtf" for the whole 2 minutes as I read that short text message.

 Picture courtesy of Google search, 
forgotten to write down the source of it. 

Credit to the owner though.

Shocked: Yes.

Excited: No.

The funny thing was, the sender out of all the person in the world knew that I've planned to get married at the age of 28 despite whom am I currently dating at that moment.

So I replied, "Hell no, are you crazy?". I don't want to write down here what was his reply, but I find it quite amusing.

In your dreams I would actually consider marrying you today even though if God tells me I'm going to die tomorrow.

Then, when it almost reaches 2 am,  I received another text message this time from a different sender which I haven't heard for quite some time.

The message goes like this, "If anything please call or sms me ok BB, luv you".

I was like, "Wtf is going on? What kind of prank is this? Why am I receiving love-related text messages in the wee of the night?"

I am not Hot, nor Sexy.

I'm short, a little stubby, and sounds like Daisy Duck whenever my voice starts running out of pitch.

In the end I did fell asleep, ignored both messages and dozed of dreaming of my prince charming with his black horse and his red saddle.

Woke up at 9 am as usual to go to work.

Yes, I do work on a Sunday and my off day on Monday.

Before I left the house, I checked the short text message I received around 4am.

"Babe, uncle D wants to introduce you to a friend of his. 32, bank officer, Chinese, drives a 3 series"

I snorted with laughter when I read that message.

Yes, snorted.

What's up with all this matching/pairing? I am capable of finding love of my own.

I can even cut you into pieces if I want to.

I am currently happy with my significant other. I am not asking for more, nor less or extra.

It's not fame, title, wealth or car I'm looking at / for.

You could be driving a Boeing 747, and I would still not look at you.

Okay, enough of rambling.

Tomorrow is Monday and Monday is a day for Love.

Laundry: Checked.

Housekeeping: Checked.

Cat shower / grooming : Checked.

Meaning tomorrow is only reserved for significant other and me.

What else could to do on a off day?

Lunch, Movie, Dinner and eye-gazing with Love.

Going to watch Shutter Island tomorrow. 

Last week, we watched Date Night, but I didn't have anything much to blog on, but it was a funny movie, recommended for the ones who needs a laugh.

Shall blog about it soon.

Happy Sunday people and as usual my love goes out to all of you.

Yes, you too as you're reading this.

Sidenotes:

This week is a crazy-hell / crazy cow week for me. People that I'm closed with are acting weird. All the sudden telling me he's sorry because he did wrong towards me, but keeping mum on what's going on either. Stop driving me mad please.

Get well soon to everyone that's been giving me headaches.

You know who you are.

If this life gets any harder now.

"It ain't no nevermind
You got me by your side"
- Fly Away From Here by Aerosmith

This past 2 weeks seems to be a very bad week for me and everyone around me. 

+ Significant other down with fever, flu and cough.

+ Mishaps happens at my workplace.
+ Friend lost his GTI.
+ Money lost in transaction between 2 accounts.

+ Ex-bf drama.
+ Another friend lost his Perdana.

+ Me coughing blood (I am okay, now)

But out of all the things happened is the past 2 weeks, only one thing that caught my attention. Well short to say, touches my heart literally. It is sad to see someone dear to you sad as well. Also, it sucks knowing you tried your very best cheering them up but all attempts seem to fail when that person already closed him/herself for others to put the sunshine back in their life.

I am writing this because it's been 2 days I saw him down without a smile. Telling him it's not the end of the world seems to mean nothing. Telling him that he has nothing else to lose compared to others that living his/her life at stake not seem to be helping neither.

I know it's hard. 

I know it's not easy.

But you have others out there that loves you as well. Grieving over someone who don't appreciate us is a waste of time actually. Been there and done that.

For instance, I wasted months crying and hoping for Tinkerbell to puff some magic dust and turn me into a princess so that he loves me back.

Instead, I collect house-dust and lived my life on a gloomy note until the day I found you as my friend.

I still care for you although we went through some rough patch of a month back. 

I know you could do better than this. You held my hand and gave me something to hold on to when I was down, now I am here doing the same thing for you in return.

You told me you're okay.

I know you're not.

I miss the "you" that I met a while back.

The one who sings as if the world is his, the one who loves hearing me crapping about my daily mundane life, the one who loves his friends just how I love my friends too. 

The one who put the smile back on my face, and cheered me up during my time of need.

Now, it's your turn to Smile.

Sidenotes:

I've never thought it was possible to love someone too much, but maybe it is.

Edward, my ass please.

What a not so tiring Monday I had.

Woke up around 12pm feeling hungry as hell. I don't know how long I could tolerate this whole diet crap seriously. Yes, I know I need exercise but time is what I do not have.

Anyone who have direct contact with any fairy godmother/father/pixie fairy please do tell me, I don't need 3 wishes. Just one that I yearn to be granted, which is suck all the fats I have and please do give back my 45kg body. Okay, now that's 2 wishes.

When down to reload my phone and called Eddy, my significant other that never failed to charm me with his Johnie Walker eyes and James Dean smile. The one whom I could count on hearing my dysfunctional ideas of love and still have the patience not to smack me on my forehead when I am blur and confused over small petty things. 

A day before, we've planned to have lunch and bid adieu as he needs to attend a job interview before 5.30 pm. Or he attends interview and see me after that. But being the nosy, bored and clingy-palm-tight love of his, I said I wanted to tag along. After all the interview was held at Mid Valley Boulevard, so I could always window-shopping while he go for his interview. So to cut short the story, yesterday we had lunch and went straight to Mid Valley. By the time we reached there it's already 3.30 pm.

Left him off for his interview and I went off alone walking aimlessly.

Walking alone feels crappy enough, plus with the aimless look on your face, well in conclusion pathetic I shall say.

By the time he's done, it's already 5 pm. Wanted to go home but as it was raining, so a terrible traffic convulsion expected on Federal Highway which suck balls totally. So we went and check on movie tickets, we watched almost every English movie available almost every week. Contemplated between How to Train Your Dragon, Green Zone and Daybreaker. Then contemplated between the show time, as we planned to do some stuff after that.

In the end we decided to watch Daybreaker. Eddy's sister said the story is better than Clash of The Titans. We've watched Clash of The Titans and thought it was awesome, but since she said Daybreaker is way better  so what the heck give it a try after all it was Eddy's treat. So I didn't care much which movie to watch.

Daybreaker is some vampire-needs-blood kind of story. The funny thing was, the hero's name is Edward. I was like Edward, my ass. Please have some originality. So Twilight-ish Edward-ness-Cullen-crap. It was some low-budget movie as only 3 bats were harmed through out the movie. The director/screen play/script writer expected me to get goosebumps with 3 bats only?

Well actually I did jumped from my seat a couple of times, not because it was a "gore-electrifying-eat-me-vampire-fangs-bitey" kind of movie but because the 3 bats jump out of no where without any linking to the story line either.

Out of 5. It only deserves 1 to me for the movie production effort in creating or even had the idea of producing that movie. Maybe they had an abundance amount of money, so they were like what the heck lets take 3 bats in the woods and on cue, roll the camera, action !

Okay, I don't know why I am full of sarcasm today. 

The show is at 9.50 pm. So we had like 3 hours to kill before the movie start. Went dinner at The Spaghetti Farm and well what else could we be eating other than Spaghetti ? Eddy had Chicken Bolognaise.

Guess what I had?

So much of concerning my fat, carbo, fiber crap intake. I ordered Classic Tomato spaghetti, with the thought of if there's no meat/chicken in it I am not going to get fat.

Yes, I know lame and stupid as it may sound but it's my blog and I don't care if I bore you with my detailed-off-day in order schedule. After all if I died anytime, I bet this blog would be something people coming back to and laugh over the rants I've posted in it.

Because everyone in my life and people I met daily is a part of this self-obsessed blog of mine. As I am typing this I might be talking about you, and yes you too.

Back to the tomato story. Ugh, it tasted like crap. Not that I've tasted crap before but I never thought eating spaghetti with only tomato sauce in it, could be so bland. Had to forced myself finishing it, while Eddy was done with his main dish and soup, I was still struggling with my noodle.

After dinner we still have another 2 hour to kill. So we went and chilled at The Gardens. Chit-chat, giggled and more chit-chat, things got so bored so we went back to Mid Valley. Funny thing was movie started 9.50 pm and they let us in 9.23 pm. Never let into a cinema hall that early before.

Fast forward.

By the time movie ends it's already 11.30 pm and off we went back home. Eddy stayed in until it was almost 3 am playing with Weebeet. He seems to like Weebeet a lot, and today Weebeet is looking for him through out the house. Great.

Another male Weebeet has fallen into.

I think I shall end today's post here. It's been dragged too far.

By the way to Eddy, Happy 2 months of pain in the ass !

Have a great week ahead. As usual, I love each and everyone of you.

Loads and always.

Sidenotes: 

1) I texted V on the to Mid Valley asking if he is still mad at me over the feud we had a while back. I was happy he replied and said he was not mad anymore. Strawberry Fields for coffee soon?

2) 3993: I don't know if things are getting better between us, I don't know how am I coping with it either. Maybe time would heal this, maybe not and maybe never. Friendship now feels like twig and apple. I am the apple, you're the twig. Pluck me off and you might be broken too. 

It's fun when you keep on guessing who am I talking about in this blog when the answer is only in my head. But if you think that's its you I'm referring to, well think about it.

There's nothing left to say, don't waste another day.

"If it's alright with you then it's alright with me. Baby let's take this time let's make new memories."

Happy Belated Easter to all my friends who celebrates it, I think it's still not too late for egg hunting. Any nice chocolates that you would care to share please do not hesitate to call me up.

Woke up this morning feeling cold like a snow queen. My heart felt all icy and numb, like a meat that's been put in the freezer waiting to be thawed out on the kitchen counter. 

Cut my heart into pieces and feed it to the sharks back in your grandfather's pond because I think it's too broken to be mend over already.

But I bet it's too bitter due to hatred infused, even the sharks don't want to take a nibble on it.

Okay, enough of emotional rant already.

Last night, I had a great time with friends. Had a quick dinner watching Manchester United vs Chelsea, and sadly Manchester lost the match to 2-1. Meaning I owe Izwan, a box of cigarettes due to the bet we made. After dinner, we had a little shisha communion and off to snooker. Frame after frame, they decided to play Lucky Ball, and the money won was enough to pay for supper.  

Reached home around midnight and was too tired to do laundry as planned in the afternoon. Tidied the cat's litter box and top-up her food bowl, then off to bed. Tried to sleep, but my head was buzzing to the fall I had a day before yesterday and someone was like chit-chatting outside the corridor next to my window. 

So I had like 10-15mins of "wtf" moment before I actually fell asleep.

Around 7.40 am, I just snap out of my sleep. Alarm was supposed to ring at 9 am everyday, as work starts at 10 am. Only takes me like 10 mins to get to work. So I cuddled in with my pillows and blanket until it's time to wake up again.

Normal morning routine would be, shower, get ready for work, make my bed, sweep the room and off to work.

But ever since I have a cat, I would make sure the food, the water is enough for her before I get off for work. After cleaning her litter box, I would sweep the house as Weebeet is like one big ball of fur grazing the house.

Don't be fooled by this awesome cuteness-girly picture of Weebeet, as she is one self-demanding-and-attention seeker with ego of her own apparently. She only likes to be held by males and only turn to me for food and toilet-hygiene, and yes her lower lips teeth looks like that, no Photoshop-ing done in this picture. Her previous owner calls her Weebeet The Twilight Cat, as she has teeth that looks like a vampire.

Anyway, back to the story. So I swept the house this morning and opened the main door to sweep the debris out of the house. Something stunned me this morning as I opened my door.

Someone left a surprise in front of the door.

Not a gift.

Not something nice.

No. Not a dead black bloody rooster too.

Someone bastard put a bra, and two panties in front of my house door. 

And no, it's not Mine. 

So I knocked the bathroom door, asking my housemate who was busy bathing, about the gifts that were left on our doorstep. Also went and asked the other housemate who were half asleep.

No one knows or noticed anything unusual when they came back from work yesterday night.

Since I don't know who did that, or whoever thought that was funny I wished your hands would itch so bad, and no matter how you scratch it bleed it would still be itchy for the rest of your life.

Oh, what a delightful Sunday morning I've woken up to today but thank God it's lazy Monday I'm waking up to tomorrow. 

Happy Sunday, loves.

Side notes : 

1) It's hard to do what you're asking me to, but I hope there's still hope left for anything that's worth to be put on hope for. Easy to conclude, I do believe in miracles.

2) I miss 5-0-9, Jalan 1/1A and everyone in it so badly. I wonder if they miss me too.

 

Updates (6.47pm) :
I cough blood at work this afternoon, is it a sign I should start worrying? 

B, I need you.