Merdeka?

Well, its been a year and now Merdeka is back...

As usual, its cold tonight and rainy since Spring is here. Ahh, a rainy Merdeka where no one bothers...

Somehow I realized that its the same back home in Malaysia. I mean, how many of us actually bothers to celebrate Merdeka?

I know I dont. The only "Merdeka" thing I did would be seeing the "Merdeka!!!" message on tv at 12 midnight.

Do you all actually go to the parade and wave flags, shouting "Merdeka!! Merdeka wei!! Merdeka!!" ?

In the end, you'll most probably end up at the mamak, having a teh tarik and maggi sup kari..talking about soccer or video games, or have a bowl of soto ayam.

To me, Merdeka would be lepaking back in Malaysia with my comel...having a bowl of soto ayam while watching tv.

Yes. That would be my Merdeka moment..

Muah, love ya.

:*: Untangible and problematic :*:

I'm completely incapable of writing down everything I feel at this moment, so I won't. I get a bloody headache every time I think about anything that concerns my love life at all, so I've decided to simply not think about it. Not too much anyway.

But I've discovered a few things. That people normally take other people more seriously then I do, and that just about everyone I've dated in the past has taken me more seriously then I will dare acknowledge to myself. It is a great big fuck up in the world, but people are fucked up like that. There are so many other girls out there who will give up everything for them, and they have to pick me. I will give what I feel like, and like I said, am an extremely volatile emotional investment. But they've decided to pick me instead. I've a feeling it's precisely because of that. I'm just more fun or at least I think I am. *Shrugs*

And men and women are infinitely different. Women will get back and cry and beg and accuse almost immediately and do so continuously. I think men just put down the phone and sit on it for a long time, years even; then maybe one day, when they decide they really want the person back, they call.

But people are weird sometimes. They get really annoyed when they're sad and they hope the other person feels it too, so I always end up trying to feel what they feel, and when I tell them oh I've made myself sad now, I hope your happy, they tell me to fucking just be happy and can I not be sad. And in Bakry's case, it's even weirder, because he generally just assumes I'm sad, even though I'm pretty darned sure I give him not cause to think that whenever I talk to him.

I'm extremely confused. Everything is hopeless, and we are all fucked. Great.

I am going to stay in the bed for several hours and go for a good dream for even longer and hope I don't have to make any stupid decision in my dreams concerning any stupid thing as un-tangible but yet so darned problematic, like love.

***************************

Meanwhile figure this out for me:

:*: Smooth Criminal :*:

I definitely have no inspiration to write about much today, although (as usual) in the course of the last few hours, many nice things have happened.

I really do think there are two kinds of people in this world, the people that live activity filled lives, and the people that don't.

I mean, how is it possible that without trying, 6 hours out of any day of my existence can be more exciting then an entire week of someone else's.

Oh well, toodles.

* No, I'm not caught for condoms smuggling. Take it more like a Celebrity in the making...caught infront of her house taking the newspaper by a Paparazzi. Lol, such a Vain Pot.

Note : Me with a pink bag, well you can only see the strap.

On a lighter note :

PHOENIX : In her days working as an escort or as a stripper at Christy's Cabaret, Brandi Hungerford wore skimpy outfits or, for a premium, nothing at all. On Thursday, the 28-year-old star witness walked into Robert "Dakota" Lemke's capital murder trial wearing distinctly unsexy black-and-white prison stripes and pink handcuffs.

* Pink handcuffs ? My friends gonna get disgusted over this one.

Bondage a go-go me baby.

C..cc...ccooolddd....

Sigh, its so cold today. Had to wake up really early to get to uni for a group discussion. Then found out that my partner is coming to uni a bit late, so I decided to take a nap before going to uni..a short nap that is. But I woke up at 11.30am instead. ahahha..

Made some good progress tho, so its all good.

Had my Kick boxing as usual til around 7...and got home at 8..had a shower..dinner..etc.. and around 12.30am, realized that my right ankle is swollen! OMGWTFBBQ??!!

So I had to wrap it a bit, but that doesnt seem to work tho.

I got hungry at around 2am, so went to KFC for a snack...well...4 small pieces of chicken... sigh, the chicken you get here is way smaller compared to those in KL. Haha..Malaysia boleh!

Miss my comel! Sayang awak ok?

Muah.

Its already 4.30 am..comel mesti marah I ni .

:*: Voices :*:

I talk about silly things like that over the phone at 45c/minute.

What I'm wearing, H****, Wet K****,
Where's my ***d, Where's his h***,
Shower, Bed, Holiday plans.

Yesterday evening, after a long while, and a great long while at that, Bakry and I finally got down to contacting each other with an ancient invention called the telephone. He said Hi, and all of Microsoft's efforts at taking online conversation to the fifth dimension fell flat. Web-camming and MSN's with smilies?...Couldn't live up to the pleasure that hearing his voice brought. (I know, I should get the mic and my cam fixed. Huh.)

Conversations over the whimsical little fantasies we have for ourselves.

I don't normally (if ever) feel this way with people. It's usually silly to feel this way. All that's rational in you tells you your stupid to believe in anything like that. But I don't want to care.

Things were probably different a few months back, compared with now. But I'm glad we're still together. Because even after nearly 1 month since he got back here for holiday, his voice still sounds exactly like how I remembered it, and hearing it makes it as if he were really here.

And I laugh, and he laughs, and it's like we're playing with the sheets and throwing pillows at each other before we tumble into bed.

He's gentle, cute, and secretly romantic .

He promised that he'll be back on a holiday come November. Well, we've managed it this far. With undulating periods of on and offs no doubt, but it's been managed. I'm sure something will work itself out.

And if it doesn't, at least it made me feel damn good about everything for awhile.

Real damn good. It's strange hey. He's all on the otherside of the world, but he can still make me feel better then anyone here possibly can.Or perhaps it's just the way I am.

My imagination's fantastic like that. Capable of turning everything into the most incredibly poetic symphony in my head, my heart and my gut when it so chooses to.

I love him so very much. I guess I'm being terribly stupid. And LDRs (that's long distance relationships for the uninitiated -shame on you! In this day and age? And you haven't discovered the joys of loving someone on the otherside of the world?), maybe they are really all just about imagination and being in love with the impression of someone you chat to for a couple of hours a day.

But who cares. Talking to him makes me feel elated, makes me forget about every shitty problem I have, makes me feel like I connect.

I like how he is. How he never worries about anything, how it doesn't matter if he'll be busy when I'm around; He'll make time and make sure I have a good time.

I've been sort-of sick for three days now. What a way to spend the lovely month of August, I know. But now I'm really, truly sick, finally. It's just one of those things you've been waiting for to just come ON already so you can get it over and done with.

Walking in the rain last night was the ultimatum.

I've got this horrible habit where I prefer to get drenched over hassling with an umbrella. Besides, how sexy is a wet white top?

Don't know, but it's definitely not worth getting a 39 Deg fever.

I shall crash on my bed and never wake up.

:*: I love his Waist and He's Sexy :*:

Or was it me who's Horny ?

I hadn't seen him in awhile, and he's gone to Australia ( which we ALL know that ). I was looking at his pictures last night, and thought, Damn! He's really quite small built after all. His hair's all grown out now, and I thought he looked really cute with all the little curls he used to have. I think his Waist is Sexy too.

Every time I spend my day with him, I really like cuddling him, although it does make for some very restless sleep. I don't like it when I can't come over; falling to sleep in that embrace where the curve of my back fits onto his body, with his hands holding my arms (you can do that with small,petite body like me) is just too priceless.

I found the perfect song that should pretty much sum up my attitude today. I've listened to it countless times before, only, I never really listened to it. It's Sleep Together, by Garbage.

If we sleep together
Will you like me better
If we come together
We'll go down forever
If we sleep together
Will I like you better
If we come together
Prove it now or never

Make me a pretty person
Make me feel like I belong
Make me hard and make me happy
Make me beautiful

The emptiness
The craziness
Satisfy this hungriness


**Two Random Observations**
1) People give me multi-vitamins. I have absolutely NO idea why, but I am consistently being offered multi-vitamins, especially after meal, or too much fizzy drinks. Usually both.

2) Nestle Cereal is stupid. Kellogg Cereal is stupid. They refine the wheat till there's no nutritional value what so ever, add alot of refined sugar, artifical flavour, and then proceed to add vitamins artifically. Why don't they just give our kids the real thing?

:*: Me , Dead ? :*:

This is really Weird.

When I was young, (well not saying I'm old enough now) probably around 15 years of age, I have all these scribbles I wrote, and as I was going through one of them, I found this really queer one that made no sense whatsoever.

Go figure! Because I can't.

**********

Dear Diary,

I just died. I don't know how, but I did. One moment I was drinking a glass of Coke, and the next thing I knew, I was well, dead. I have no idea what my friends will say when they find me like this the next weekend they come to visit. I've tried dragging the body into the garden, but to no avail. Dead people aren't all that good at burying themselves, really.

Everything on earth looks strangely kitschy and badly colored, the sort of tones you get in an indy art-house film that's trying too hard. The coke's a strange sort of red-brownish, but it doesn't matter. I can't seem to drink it anyway.

Right now, I don't quite know what to do, so I'm just standing around in my room making up the first entry in the diary of a truly reborn soul.

I have a body that can't die now. Isn't that amazing?

I'm attempting flight at the moment, ghosts always could fly in the cartoons I watched as a kid. And those cartoons didn't lie. Dead people CAN fly. But it's not how I thought It'd be though. It's not like flying with wings, or floating about like David Copperfield.

That's so boring. Flying, when you're really, truly dead is akin to being omniscient. I don't quite know how to describe it, but I can be in so many places at once, know so many things, see the whole picture and see into everyone's little detailed lives.

I can lift myself a little, just up to the top of my roof, and the little street I spent the last few years in spreads out till...well, till the end of the street. I can project myself up, all the way into the cosmos, and the cyclones and all the oceans, and the Great Wall of China and most of Shanghai, sticking out of the earth, her buildings in all their magnificent dislocation; they all spread out before me.

And I can see someone's panties. They're black, with pink polka dots and little fake diamonds on them.

Zoom in, zoom out.

:*: Whine :*:

Sometime back I condemned reality, something I presently wish I could offer my apologies to, if it were possible. But it incessantly eludes me, with fact and fiction void of definition within my little space.

You can never know anything, because life will always be more capricious then any fickle-minded fancy you are capable of conjuring. I have proven it to myself. I can never imagine half of the shit that happens to me.

Is the fault then to be found in our stars, or in ourselves, that we are underlings?

Are our fates ever stagnant, can we ever make decisions based on complete information? Is there such a thing as all-inclusive, non-partial information.

Blame this sudden bout of philosophical intrusion on the rain I managed to get caught in. I suppose I stayed in it because it had seemed like such a terribly romantic thing to do. You can now tell me how erotic drizzle on a pitch-black silken tarred road, glossed over with warm-street lights can be. And I would understand.

Probably this blog after all can be changed to " The Daily Whinings of Eryn ".

Haha ?

:*: Crazy at the Moment :*:

It's such a fabulous day today for feeling upset. It's been drizzling quite a bit since late morning, and that always makes me start wondering about things like my self-worth and living in the moment, and other nonsense like that. I don't think about the former very much any more though, but it used to be a reliable topic for musing on when I was an adolescent. I'd just sit around for ages trying to figure out if other people were worth as much as I was. If they were nearly as sentient as I was.

Did what they think matter? If the adults yelled at me, were they really yelling at me, or was it just some flaw in the mechanism; Did they have thoughts like mine, and if so, what do I care if they did. Why should someone else's thoughts matter to me?

And then I thought that I thought too much and wished there were some way I could just blank out my mind and look at things as they were. As if they were linked to no memories, with no pasts, no images that linger in my mind. You can do it for awhile, but you can't sustain it. Maybe 3 minutes, and then you start thinking about how horrid life is. What a real drag it can be, with all its funny little shits, dumping so many things upon your shoulders.

Why must we wear clothes ?
I feel the weight of my baby-tee.

It's a simple little inconvenience that makes you realize how everything's just out there to dump things onto you. Dump clothes on our backs and food into our stomachs and unwanted memories into our minds.

Right now, I'd like to buy a plane ticket to see Bakry and hope the plane crashes while I'm at it.

:*: Hedgehog Babies :*:

*Picture taken from Boing Boing

We saw hedgehog in the zoo, but have you ever see hedgehog's baby before? Here you are. Aren't they cute ? If you look closely, you can actually see their lil willies, thats what my bf said. Cute !

:*: The Tenggol Island :*:

Aishah went to Tenggol Island last week, when she was trying to escape from the Haze in KL. Below are some "land" pics she shared with me.



* A beautiful beach, I wanna go !

* This was taken when Aishah went for Rock pooling.

* This was a few of the sculptures built by the two aspiring architect Aishah and her sister.

- On the top was suppose to be a Sand House, which looks more like a Mammoth Dung to me.

- Next, was suppose to be a hotel, built by Aishah's sister while she was snorkeling.

Can't wait for the "underwater" pics to be develop, I heard that there's sharks and turtles. Some sort like Finding Nemo scenery. Thanks Aishah.

19/8/05

A Blue Rose

A blue rose just for you
my way to show how much I love you.
So a blue rose for you to know
I am thinking of you at this moment
my heart feels blue for your heart.
I be so blue until I get to hold u.
Blue is us because i want u and u want me.
I know I wouldnt be blue
if I was with you!!!


Happy anniversary, comel.
Guess how I celebrated it?
By getting my ass kicked in the ring.. haha
We have to get ready/train for our fights... But the person I was training with does not seem to know the meaning of the term "a light fight". Haha..kena belasah..

Now my body hurts... gah... :S ha ha...
Darren didnt weren't allowed to fight. Maybe coz he just started..

Comel's not online today. She had to go to some banquet... I bet she's eating a lot.. ha ha...bagi gemuk sikit. ku ku

God, i could use a massage now. A good, deep massage :S But i takde duit!!! Grrr....

I love you, ok?

Muah, i got to go..mandi..damn i am smelly now :S

:*: I miss you on our 1 year 2 months Anniversary :*:

As I sit alone, I remember those beautiful moments we spent together.
I miss the soft touch of your hand.

I miss spending hours with you,
doing nothing yet loving it.

And I'm waiting till we can meet again,
Because I believe our love is true,
and neither time or distance,
can take you away from me.

I miss you.

:*: The Half Blood ^ Pink Princess :*:

It's been a while since I last blogged. Busy studying for my monthly test (although it is just a monthly test) lol. But I think I'm gonna fail in all except for my MUET and General Studies, lol it's not like I actually studied for them but at least I had lil faith in both papers. Today we had Biology, it was OK (emphasize in the capital "ok"). I think I'm gonna pass for it. Chemistry ? Ughh, even the objective questions was bloody hard. Tomorrow we're gonna have Maths, and I'm not prepared for it and I don't know what to study for it neither. During my pre-test, well sort of a test.. I got zero. ZerO with the big O. Have to pass at least this test, so the teacher won't look at me one-kind sinced I failed the last pre-test.

What happened in school today ? Let's re-cap what happened yesterday. Lol. Had my pregnancy test done, and it turns out to be negative. Thanks to Edmund for buying the whole testing kit, it turns out that he worried more than me as if he is responsible if I'm pregnant. (* Picturing the whole crying drama with Bakry, if that actually happened )

Today, let us start with Pizza breakfast. Edmund brought Pizza for my breakfast, well indirectly came to my table, whispered and asked "So how's the test?".."Positive?".."Negative?"

Me on the other hand, trying to make it sound serious that the result was Positive. But it seems that I'm not a good actress, I already laughed when I told him to guess it himself. We all felt relieved about it. Especially me who did the test, I didn't dare to look at it. Single line means you're not pregnant. I thought I saw double line at first. *Phew?*

After Biology test today, I felt the urged to go to the washroom. The washroom was upstairs beside Edmund's class. Went in to pee and I almost screamed when I saw traces of blood. OMG PERIOD ! Haha, I was like so happy, like some mad person. Who actually gets excited over a period ? Well certainly me.

Settled everything, then walked out of the toilet and Edmund came out of the class apparently to walked down and see me at my class to talk about our next Wednesday shopping plan at KLCC, I'm eyeing on that pink ballerina pump shoe..RM 248 and it is so Cute !

I was like "Edmund!". Then whispered to his ear that I got my period today, and some dude was like starring at the back of us. He must be thinking "What is so wrong with this girl ?". Lol, screw him as long I'm not pregnant and I'm happy. Bakry on the other hand, is it positively sure I'm not pregnant.

We talked, and talked and I realised that I have a crush on Edmund. Edmund my own "Angel" ? Ughh, and he got a girlfriend already. I was his "Mortal" when we had that 'Angel-Mortal' programme during the Orientation week. He was one of my 6 angels. He is friendly and all, but I guess the feelings are just temporary besides we're close as friends. I love Bakry, doesn't mean when you have a crush you actually gotta love them as a lover. Bakry know about my crush'es. Azizan Nin, Shinoda ? Now I like Jehan Miskin the actor, lol.

Nope, must set up in my mind, me and Edmund are just friends. Friends with benefit ? Lol.

It's not wrong to love your friends, right ?

**Today I've been dubbed as "the half-blood Princess" by the seniors, and I don't know why. Lol.

:*: It's All 'Cause I Love You :*:

To : Bakry

When I close my eyes I see a vision of you standing there.
I could hold you forever, as if I was with my favorite teddy bear.
I want to touch your face and feel your warmth of love shine through.
I want you to know it's all... 'cause I Love You.

You've made me feel things I have never felt in my heart.
I think we are two perfect hearts on to a great start.
You make me feel like I am the world to you, you are my world, too.
A simple reminder- it's all... 'cause I Love You.

When you're asleep each night, tucked into your bed,
Giving you a tender kiss goodnight is something I do not dread.
A hug to follow and another kiss is my bedtime wish.
And once again it's all... 'cause I Love You.

Deep inside me there is a person I had never seen
you have opened me up so I could see the real me.
And once again it's all... 'cause I Love You,
...and 'cause You Love me, too.

You're the perfect star in the sky above,
The one I wish upon with all my love.
The twinkle is so bright it reminds me of the spark
That appears when we kiss in the dark.

You live in my soul and I love you a lot,
I have cleared my heart, so it's all your spot.
And once again, it's all... 'cause I Love You.

by Amanda Ruth Donovan


*No post for today, as I have nothing to blog about. Enjoy the poem.

:*: The Perfect Couple ? :*:

Bakry and I are fair from perfect.

He takes me for granted. I snaps at him too easily. He needs to shower more affection on me - just not to the extent of overly drippy gushing. I, on the other hand, am demanding, petty and a complete affection whore.

We have different personalities. Our value systems differ because we think differently. But we both argue with equal intensity when we're both severely annoyed. But an epiphany hit me recently. Okay, maybe its not big enough to be called an epiphany, but it is a revelation nonetheless.

Bakry and I argue a lot - everyone knows that. Hell, it makes up possibly half my blog. lol. Yet, despite it all, we manage to work things out. Even when I am angry with him, all I want to do is hug him.

So perhaps, even though we might not be the perfect couple, the fact that despite it all, we're still together... maybe, just maybe we're both doing something right.

Well now I'm pissed cause its 5.43 pm (which is 7.43pm his time) and he's not online yet. He told me he's out only in the morning. I've waited like hours now. *Grrr*

:*: Live Life to the Fullest (Part 2) :*:

I don't know when did perfect strangers decide that other people were their responsibility, but somewhere along the lines, everyone eventually does. But you know what? No one is in a position to give advise to any one else in terms of how they should run their lives, especially not if their lives are of inferior quality. Of course, then again, who am I to judge whether their lives are of inferior quality to mine; I don't know, but I dare say mine's as good as it gets.

Because you see darling, life is not so much what happens to you and where you live and all that other external bullshit so much as it is what you feel and how you perceive the world around you. And the way I see it, my perception of the world is good enough for me. It is outrageous really, people telling you that your life should feel shit, and if it isn't it will start feeling like shit just because I wasn't living the way they were taught to live.

Maybe they're just jealous you know. I can't for my life imagine why a perfect stranger would care about my happiness in the future.

I wrote a little essay for MUET class today about how people that weren't tainted by the opinions of other people handled their relationships with the people that were immediately around them. How would it be like if we didn't have stupid things like television or self-help books to tell us how we should live life. How would it be like if we loved and developed relationships upon nothing else but how we simply felt towards the people that were immediately in our lives, and upon how they felt and responded towards in turn. What if we didn't have religion (which is also an external third party) telling us what to do, or statistics, or any of that bullshit.

What makes anyone think they have the knowledge to run someone's else's life? That's just absurd. I mean, there are certain things about people that would do them good to lose, but as I make the acquaintances of people I generally wouldn't give a shit for after I've met them and perhaps been offered a drink by them, I realize that the thing I wish with most people whose company I find tedious is for them to lose their know-it-all pseudo jaded attitude.

Yeah right. Sure life is difficult, but I don't have a problem with it being difficult, I have a problem with life boring me. And for heaven's sake, you aren't even thirty, I hope you're looking forward to a life of misery.

School has been mostly unchallenging, which is good, because that leaves me with more time to do things I want to do that I can hopefully fulfill my time with. Which leads me to a realization, that I never do anything without thinking about it in terms of how it would keep me occupied.

I've finally watched Sin City, 2 hours ago. I like Sin City because it tells us we are all neither good nor evil, but human. What works for one particular individual would not work for someone else, and our values are being compromised all the time, and sometimes they are naturally validated, sometimes we attempt to rationalize them. But at the end of the day you know what? You're still going to have to live this life and go through all its difficult bullshit so you might as well stop trying to make things more difficult them they already are by imposing on the natural state of your feelings with all these rules.

And then you die.

So what's the big deal already? What makes you think this time on earth even matters? You believe in eternal life? Well, the last I checked, eternity is about the past, present and the future. This is the present. You are already living the eternal life, and it's not really quite like hell, but it's not like heaven either.

Haze report : Very very Bad. API ( air pollution index ) stands out at 500, which is at the highest level meaning every single breath you breathes in, are going to kill you slowly if you keep breathing it for few more months. Freaky.

Classes are cancelled for tomorrow. Apparently today supposed to be a holiday, but my school decided to resume classes as usual. Yay for tomorrow.

:*: Live Life to the Fullest ? :*:

I've been unreasonably tired these days. They generally start of with an unreasonably route to school (which wouldn't be all that unreasonable if I didn't continously lose my steps on the school compound), some whacking around with paper, pens and pencils in class - I don't think I ever found school so fufilling. At least I get to bring back something everyday. I'd go back, attempt to finish Maths homework that's been sitting in my room for nearly 2 weeks now or write some bullshit for my Chemistry, or any number of other vaguely productive activities, then play with the piano for awhile.

Lately I've noticed that : It has occured to me that the common intepretation of 'someone you can live with' is completely depressing, because that's not what its supposed to me. When I say live, I really mean LIVE. I don't mean tolerate, I don't mean do the dishes, I mean really feel alive. Feel like everyday is just so cool, and that there's always something to do. Someone you can do all sorts of crazy shit with, the crazier the better. Like they say, nothing makes us feel more alive the thrill.

I know I'm not writing very much these days, but there has simply been no time. There are so many stories to tell, but so much to learn at the same time, and I've taken the latter for the moment.

p/s : The haze is getting worst day by day. I'm coughing like a 69 year old granny. My eyes sore, skin dried, and my nose is itchy due to the B.[ad] A.[ir] D.[ays].

:*: Grumpy :*:

Looking at the evil bunny somehow reminds me of Aishah. Just had to post it. Lol, I wonder what is she up to lately.

I've been unreasonably moody lately. You won't wanna cross path with me. Lol. I've been screaming, shouting almost to everyone. Don't know why I'm so grumpy lately. PMS-y ? Dunno, but I haven't gotten my period for this month yet.

I realised I've grown a bit fat. A bit as in, my tummy is out of shape. Well no where near that kind of "fat" you're picturing, but I've realised I have been eating a lot lately. One food after another. Probably cause I'm sad. I like to eat when I'm sad. The more sadder I am, the more food I'll eat. Aishah said probably cause of water retention, might be true since I drink water like a fish bowl everyday. I also heard that alergic to something cause water retention too ? What I've been alergic to lately ? Well, I've sneezed a lot lately and eyes a bit watery. Probably cause of the haze. Today's city view is gone from bad to worst. Blurry. 1 pm feels like 6pm. Geez, how bad was that ? I wonder how the view gonna be at night.

Yesterday, we had a lil food fiesta. Small banquet at my cousin's house. It was fun, and guess what ? Yes ; I ate a lot yesterday. Till 1am and I'm still eating. Small kids everywhere, cause most of my cousins were much elder than me and they're married and have kids. Thank god those brats didn't call me " auntie Eryn ", I don't wanna sound old nor get old, lol.

I felt guilty, for getting angry with my boyfriend. For unreasonable reasons, even small things makes me angry. May said it is because of the distance, when he gets back we'll be all over each other. True ? I don't know. My head feels a bit bumpy to be thinking right now. Ughh, better get that "anger-vibe" away as soon as possible. I don't wanna be a bad girl friend.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else ; you are the one who gets burned."
"Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten."
-- Siddhartha Buddha

Hmmmm

When I started talking to you that day in the chat room,
I didn't realise I would fall in love.
You were so genuine and funny,
It's like you were an angel from above.

I soon learned all about you,
And talked to you everyday.
The sweet nothings that you said to me,
Made me feel a long way away.

How much I wish we were closer,
The distance seems unbearable.
I wish I hadn't fallen for you,
The separation is terrible.

But every time I see your face,
I feel like I am near.
Your eyes and your smile,
Make me realise there is nothing to fear.

Every night I dream of you,
I never want to wake.
I sit and picture you,
I just can't help but shake.

One day I will close the distance,
One day I will see your face.
I will never want to leave your side,
I would travel through time and space.

:*: Love Sucks :*:

Wheres the love ?
That flys like a dove.

What is it about ?
Everyone is in doubt.

Why does it hurt ?
Sometimes I feel like dirt.

Why is it unfair ?
When love is so rare.

Love sucks, that's how it is everyday : all around the world.
We're killing each other with love.

:*: I want Vitamin Water :*:

As I was reading my Paris Hilton book : Confessions of an Heiress, she noted :

"NEVER DRINK DIET SODA. It shows you have no nerve. Only drink real colas, caffeine-packed energy drinks, or Vitamin Water. Hate champagne, because that's what everyone expects you to love. Energy drinks are the best party drinks. You never get tired. You never have a hangover. And you can make fun of all the loaded people who think they're clever but are really acting stupid."

* I want ! I wonder how it taste like.
** Where to get in Malaysia though ?
*** Are they even selling it over here ?

Vitamin Water website: http://www.drinkbetterwater.com/

:*: I'm so Arrogant ? :*:

School was fun today. Well at least it was fun 1/4 of the day. Edmund, my senior in U6Sc2 cooked for me Spaghetti Bolognese today : )

So I had spaghetti for recess time. It was delicious. He even taught me how to cook it. Not that hard, simple recipe. But I don't get it why he have to mix the mushroom powdered stock in it. For the mushroom kick' maybe.

Oh well thanks to Edmund, I had a wonderful meal today. Sorry to hear about your gloomy day yesterday, I hope it wasn't cause of the Eryn's Curse, cause I had bad aura around me yesterday too. They still get me annoyed today. Told Edmund about it, he said sometimes I'm a bit too arrogant. Am I ?
*looks upon her reflection on the computer screen*

Maybe I am. Just a bit ? You do the scaling.

I don't care what people think about me, it's not like I lived for them.

To the ladies (I'm a bit kind today so there's no B word for today) :
Just wave and smile girls, just wave and smile =p

Update 101 :
Apparently all 3 of them are under probation to be prefects.
Duck people, D-U-C-K ! *giggles*

Back in the land of the Roos

Hey everyone,

My 3-week trip to malaysia is now over and i'm back home.. i mean back in Oz..Lapar!!! Nak soto ayam!! And also my comel of course. :)

Came back to a messy apartment since Evan brought his work home instead of doing it at the studio... but then he cleaned the place up while i was sleeping.. haha..at least i got a good housemate.

It will only be a while before i get back to malaysia again..not sure when exactly, but i will be back in malaysia. So, u kena tunggu ok, comel?

Making myself a pathethic lunch today...melted cheese sandwich :( sedih nyer..haha

i love u a lot comel. And i miss u too.

muah...

:*: Life is Such a Mockery for me Today : I feel Bitchy :*:

My life is such a Drama, well life itself is a live movie we our ownselves created. In my previous post of mine ( Moral Quacks ), I stated I hate this school of mine and I wanted to get away from it for a long time. After what happened today, I feel like getting far away from it soon as possible.

Everyday there's something going on, in that petty school of mine. When are 'they' actually gonna grow up ? They as in the Bitches. Well they're not that bad, but technically they're getting on my nerves by doing nothing to me. Even when one of them were absent, I still could feel the bad vibe/aura surrounds the sunny, (sometimes windy) place of mine next to the little dusty window (which I supposed/being forced to clean) with the ugly green (I wished it was Pink) flowery curtains. Ok Eryn, enough of the extra nonsensical side notes. Well at least my window pane had an "ok" view. I can see the basketball court with tall lanky guys (except for Joshua, he's not lanky) playing b-Balls. The word "Balls" has to be in capitals, cause it seems to be a special word for me, hehe *drools*.

I love my school, I love my class, I love my friends, I love everything (well at least I've tried) but I can't seem to be getting along with the Bitches. The Bitches does have names, but I'm not gonna say/type it out since most of friends know about my blog and them.

Sadly to say, I knew the Bitches like for the past 5 years. From the beginning of my high school life in the "un"-Saint Mary Girl's School until I graduated my Form 5 ( O-levels for some ). Guess what, now I'm doing Form 6 ( A-levels ) and who registered the second week of the semester ? The Bitches of course. They registered together, and now they come to and fro together too.

What is so special about the Bitches, and why I hate them so much ? Well basically they're trouble maker in my previous school. Well not all of them, only 1 of them. Oh yeah, forgot to mention there's 3 of them. They talk bad behind me, well about me of course and I get to know about it from one of my friend. Well I talk bad about them too, but at least I do it in public, and they know about it and I'm truly honest with them that I hate them so much. Such an eye-sore to me, when 2 of them had to passed by my class to get to their class. To make it all sounds silly, well not silly to some of us... 2 of them are hitting on the younger guys... (apparently my block is facing the juniors)..Oh for the sake of your "Own Pride", if you have one that is...please don't be shallow well more like a bunch of losers to me.

What I hated most was, they came over to this new place with a new attitude. Not saying they turned over a new leaf or what-so-ever. It's more like acting to me. You know acting ? 1-2-3 action ! Who gets the youngest guys is the greatest fool of all ! *I'm so mean today*

For real, I know who they were. 5 years with them (1 of them used to be my classmate in my previous school), taught me a big lesson in life which is "People do anything for Attention". Why change yourself just to make people like you and to make people like me laugh at you ? *I'm feeling Bitchy*

I'm dragging the story too long, haven't I ? Oh well, it's not like you're gonna read it anyway. I love to write to get my Stress out. It feels good to get it all out in here.

Today I saw they're wearing an orange badge. Written on it "Probation Prefects". I was like "What?"
*jaw-dropping scene* The Bitches decided to be a prefect ? OmG. That is Such a Mockery for me Today.

Why I said that ? Because in my previous school, they were never ever a prefect. Cause my school choose the best students *without discipline records : a clean one* to be one. I never was a prefect cause I break the school rules way too many times.

Bad stuff Eryn did :
1) wearing nail polisher
2) didn't wear school socks (my school socks meaning socks with the School name on it)
3) brought CDs to school
4) talked during assembly
5) brought materials contains artiste photos
6) didn't finish my Add-Maths hw

I repeated the offences every once a month or so...lol. I was such a brat, during school hours. But was never a trouble maker in my class. So I was never in/or had troubles with the teachers. The only work I'll hand in late is Add-Maths. Don't we all hate Add-Maths ?

So I know them too well, I know what standard they're at. With such an attitude, they won't last long. Enjoy the Popularity for now girls. *Just Smile and Wave girls, just Smile and Wave* *grins*

After school today, I saw one of them sitting on the waiting area, sort of "stage" which owned by the community hall. She was talking to one of my friend.

So I asked her, "Where are you Darlings, Pad?"
She was blurr for 4 seconds (not that I actually counted that), and said
"Who are you talking about?"
"Who else?"
"Put and Shan".
"Oh they're not my darlings..."
"Oh they're not?" "Why is that? You hate them too?"
"No I don't, it's just I'm not that close with them"
"Ahh...I see"

Just as we ended the conversation. Poof ! The other remainding Bitches arrived.
Then the conversation resumed to action.

"So who are your Darlings Eryn?"
"Well everyone is, except You"... then I decided to giggle a little.
"I'm playing my dear"...trying to potray/stand my innocence.
She was like "I know I'm not"...trying to control her gesture, but I know she's angry.

Then the remainding Bitches bought Ice-Creams. Well indeed it was warm and sunny today.
One of them asked me, "You don't want some?"
The sarcastic mode in me wasn't awakened yet, I answered with a simple yet polite "No, its ok"

Then "Pad", the one I had the previous conversations with bought Ice-Cream too.
She asked me "You want some?"
Muahahaha. I answered "No, I don't eat cheap Ice-Creams"
She just walked off.

It's fun getting people irritated after knowing how they talk bad about you all these while. Well, truth hurts.
Always know that Reality is merely a Subconcious Painting honey.

But sometimes I wonder about them.
Why do you try so hard to fit in ? When you're made to stand out ?

True that?