But I've discovered a few things. That people normally take other people more seriously then I do, and that just about everyone I've dated in the past has taken me more seriously then I will dare acknowledge to myself. It is a great big fuck up in the world, but people are fucked up like that. There are so many other girls out there who will give up everything for them, and they have to pick me. I will give what I feel like, and like I said, am an extremely volatile emotional investment. But they've decided to pick me instead. I've a feeling it's precisely because of that. I'm just more fun or at least I think I am. *Shrugs*
And men and women are infinitely different. Women will get back and cry and beg and accuse almost immediately and do so continuously. I think men just put down the phone and sit on it for a long time, years even; then maybe one day, when they decide they really want the person back, they call.
But people are weird sometimes. They get really annoyed when they're sad and they hope the other person feels it too, so I always end up trying to feel what they feel, and when I tell them oh I've made myself sad now, I hope your happy, they tell me to fucking just be happy and can I not be sad. And in Bakry's case, it's even weirder, because he generally just assumes I'm sad, even though I'm pretty darned sure I give him not cause to think that whenever I talk to him.
I'm extremely confused. Everything is hopeless, and we are all fucked. Great.
I am going to stay in the bed for several hours and go for a good dream for even longer and hope I don't have to make any stupid decision in my dreams concerning any stupid thing as un-tangible but yet so darned problematic, like love.
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Meanwhile figure this out for me:
