Because you see darling, life is not so much what happens to you and where you live and all that other external bullshit so much as it is what you feel and how you perceive the world around you. And the way I see it, my perception of the world is good enough for me. It is outrageous really, people telling you that your life should feel shit, and if it isn't it will start feeling like shit just because I wasn't living the way they were taught to live.
Maybe they're just jealous you know. I can't for my life imagine why a perfect stranger would care about my happiness in the future.
I wrote a little essay for MUET class today about how people that weren't tainted by the opinions of other people handled their relationships with the people that were immediately around them. How would it be like if we didn't have stupid things like television or self-help books to tell us how we should live life. How would it be like if we loved and developed relationships upon nothing else but how we simply felt towards the people that were immediately in our lives, and upon how they felt and responded towards in turn. What if we didn't have religion (which is also an external third party) telling us what to do, or statistics, or any of that bullshit.
What makes anyone think they have the knowledge to run someone's else's life? That's just absurd. I mean, there are certain things about people that would do them good to lose, but as I make the acquaintances of people I generally wouldn't give a shit for after I've met them and perhaps been offered a drink by them, I realize that the thing I wish with most people whose company I find tedious is for them to lose their know-it-all pseudo jaded attitude.
Yeah right. Sure life is difficult, but I don't have a problem with it being difficult, I have a problem with life boring me. And for heaven's sake, you aren't even thirty, I hope you're looking forward to a life of misery.
School has been mostly unchallenging, which is good, because that leaves me with more time to do things I want to do that I can hopefully fulfill my time with. Which leads me to a realization, that I never do anything without thinking about it in terms of how it would keep me occupied.
I've finally watched Sin City, 2 hours ago. I like Sin City because it tells us we are all neither good nor evil, but human. What works for one particular individual would not work for someone else, and our values are being compromised all the time, and sometimes they are naturally validated, sometimes we attempt to rationalize them. But at the end of the day you know what? You're still going to have to live this life and go through all its difficult bullshit so you might as well stop trying to make things more difficult them they already are by imposing on the natural state of your feelings with all these rules.
And then you die.
So what's the big deal already? What makes you think this time on earth even matters? You believe in eternal life? Well, the last I checked, eternity is about the past, present and the future. This is the present. You are already living the eternal life, and it's not really quite like hell, but it's not like heaven either.
Haze report : Very very Bad. API ( air pollution index ) stands out at 500, which is at the highest level meaning every single breath you breathes in, are going to kill you slowly if you keep breathing it for few more months. Freaky.
Classes are cancelled for tomorrow. Apparently today supposed to be a holiday, but my school decided to resume classes as usual. Yay for tomorrow.
