So how has it been going? This week has been very eventful with plenty of things going on for me. I really enjoy getting older. While many women usually hate seeing the digits increase, I seem to revel in ageing because it makes me feel all grown up and hopefully, I will become an adult someday.
I am comfortable being where I am physically. No more fad diets, screaming at the weighing machine, avoiding all my favourite foods and feeling body conscious anymore. Jiggly belly? Cellulite? Nah, they don't bug me anymore. Why cry foul at something that will waste away when you die anyway? Body image is probably one of the biggest, most hyped up lies ever told in the history of mankind in my opinion. Live an active lifestyle, eat right and everything will go fine.
I am comfortable being where I am mentally. I used to give myself plenty of flak for not reading enough, for not being able to use difficult words that most people don't know the meaning of. I used to rue not fully mastering subjects that interest me, such as languages, art and music. However, screw it all.. I understand smatterings of different languages that can be useful to me as a tourist. I have made stuff for school and for fun before. So even if I don't master them entirely, at least I can say, "Been there, done that, took the photograph and bought the t-shirt." Perhaps one day I may decided to pursue on with my studies to the highest level as possible, but I have a feeling that I am pretty much done with books.
I am comfortable being where I am spiritually.I realised that I wasn't honest with God, the people around me and myself. I am a spiritually lazy arse by nature. I don't pray, well I still do occasionally and it is hardly ever when I am in trouble by the way. I have never renounced God or faith. I used to be so conflicted in the past that it brought about depression (yeah who knew that a Supreme Being can cause you to go crazy like that), among other things of course. But after plenty of resolve, I decided to be true to myself and I am happier for it. I still am in conflict sometimes, but that is only with the parental unit, who is deeply religious and think me as a backslider and who never fails to pray loudly almost every night for the redemption of my soul.
I am comfortable being where I am socially. Last year and this year has simply been the best years for social engagements. Thanks to blogging, I found myself meeting really cool people - too many to mention, which still astounds me to this day. The friendships that I have had all along grew, as new ones were made. Though I am poorer for it, the experiences and friendships forged along the way have been worthwhile. But above all, one particular friendship from those adventures grew into love and what more can a girl want really?
Turning 19 couldn't have been better and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way than just being me.
And as I was talking to Kevin on msn just now, he told me on how his friend got bang on the net for writing something which was sort of contains racism on her blog.
Well I think, having a blog can be liberating. You type in your feelings and thoughts, but having a blog doesn't automatically give you the right to be disrespectful, throw entire caution to the wind, etc because a blog is public. People read blogs and chances are people read the thoughts you painstakingly type out and post too.
The recent events of racist bloggers and the subsequent uproar over freedom of speech and bloggers fearing they will be next because they think what they write may be used against them in the court of law astounds me. Firstly, if you have not posted anything remotely seditious, why are you quaking in your pants? If you have not defamed anyone why do you fear a lawsuit? If you understand firstly that your blog is public (for those of you who think otherwise, I suggest going back to regular pen and paper) and people read it, you will know that you are responsible for what you say because those words belong to you.
Like it or not, people form opinions about things they read online or offline. A blog may be personal, but in the public sphere, it becomes an information gateway for readers to absorb information that you choose to release. In this case, the two people who were charged with sedition probably didn't think they would be caught because they were either of the view that it is the web and it is freedom of speech, or they think they can be anonymous (anonymity is a huge myth on the web) and lastly and possibly they are racists whose views are so skewed, it doesn't really matter to them because they think they are absolutely right.
So the gist of it is responsibility. Of course responsibility is in itself subjective as what is responsible to me may not be the same for you and vice versa. But I think the universal consensus is that if it doesn't cause anyone grievous physical, emotional and mental hurt, you are generally responsible (note I use the word grevious as I beleive whatever anyone says will hurt a person in one way or another, but what is important is the degree of infliction). People may say that being responsible in itself is self-censorship. I think not. Being responsible about what you blog doesn't take away the message, just the juicy sensational bits.
If I chose to talk about hating someone, I can go on without naming the person, describing the person and much less point out the colour of his skin. If I am upset with a person for say, poor services, what good does it do for me to point out his ethnicity (doing so just means that I am stooping so low without any personal integrity and having the audacity to be angry at someone for something he can't change, i.e., his race), when perhaps the reason why he is so bad at his job is because he isn't motivated enough or maybe because he is having a bad day or maybe even it's because I suck as a customer and was giving him bad vibes or being a total arsehole.
No one is an angel. People who may not be racist may be prone to bouts of prejudice on occasions (there is a difference between prejudice and discrimination). Sad to say that perceptions and stereotyping exists because of this wonderful synapses in our brains. We can condition ourselves to be tolerant, not care or simply try to be friends with people of all races, but some things cannot be changed because they are too etched into our belief system* for us to change them all in a lifetime (by the way, while we are on this topic, isn't preference for a particular race also considered as a form of racism?) The only thing we can do is when we catch ourselves thinking thoughts we ought to keep to ourselves, we ought to keep it to ourselves and not go telling the whole world about them.
Romp sent me an instrumental song, Your Hand In Mine by Explosions In The Sky. Pretty neat song. Calms me down, after I went ballistic with my boyfriend Bakry just now for some turd reasons. Just need to put it on blog for everybody to hear. Close your eyes and feel it...
Romp says:
tell me how it is alright?
Miss Eryn says:
no singing?
Miss Eryn says:
lol
Romp says:
nope its instrumental la
Romp says:
just close ur eyes and feel it
Miss Eryn says:
feel what
Miss Eryn says:
lol
Miss Eryn says:
that sounds pervertish
Miss Eryn says:
lol
*(after few mins)*
Miss Eryn says:
its lovely.
Thats the word.
Lovely.
