The key to happiness is to learn to like the things you hate.

What a way to start my Sunday today. Woke up to have a pleasant breakfast of Rice Krispies and Corn Flakes with cold milk, just to find out that the milk stale and it's not even expired yet. I'm too lazy to go back to the supermarket and asked for a refund so I let them win this time.

Oh hello world.

I know, I know. It's been a while since I written something in here and each time I apologized, I kept on saying I will try to write more often.

Apparently I failed to do so.

I'm sorry everyone, as I've been very occupied with work and tons of work. But since my work is very seasonal, it depends sometimes I could be very busy as a bee, and sometimes I would laze around like a cow grazing in the meadows.

Since I have other commitments to commit with, this blog seems to disappear day by day and at times I even forgotten I do have a blog. 

I guessed thats why I've been pretty tensed up lately. 

Because before this, I used to babble, scrabble, and dribble all over the blog talking nonsense and all gooey talking about my day.

Nowadays I tend to let it out on my colleagues and people around me when I get mad.

Very unhealthy I know, my new resolution is to be less mad this year.

Haha.

So to sum up the 23rd day after New Year, these are a few updates of my life so far. Top tens I think worth sharing about :

1) I didn't celebrated my New Year as I was stuck at home with a package of high fever and pretty bad cough.

2) Had my first live-football match when I went and join my loved ones at Bukit Jalil stadium to watch the match between Malaysia and Indonesia. We won the match.

3) Things are going pretty good with work lately, hope to get my pay raised soon.

4) Still trying to find time to cook, or even start by buying ingredients to cook as my kitchen is pretty empty. (Many still doubt my cooking skills and yet to be proven that I make the best meatballs you've ever eaten, tastier than Ikea okay?)

5) Pretty hooked on to Green Tea lately. Drink them after lunch, and every other time I'm free at work.

6) People at work been stuffing me up with food. Theres no day gone by without food on my office table left for me. Please don't see it as a form of bribery or trying to win my heart over, they were just being nice.

7) I'm the only girl / female left in my office department. I heard the new colleague my boss going to hire is going to be a male too. Sheesh, I need a friend at work. Guys don't seem to understand my temperamental-emo days sometimes.

8) I miss having a cat at home, right now I'm stuck with a fish, and a pet turtle which is not mine.

9) I am longing for a long holiday. One day off-day per week is not enough for me apparently. Wants to go far, far away. 

10) I am turning 24 this year.

I'll try my very best to update the blog like I used to. Not to pleased you readers, but to transfer the events in my life and immortalized it in wordings on blog.

Last but not least, I'm still experimenting with the blog layout. Need to change it since I'm bored of the old one. So I'm sorry if it seems cluttered, but then why heck would I care what you think about it, since it's my blog and I'll do whatever I like, maybe like posting a naked picture of myself.

Okay I am kidding, I'm not that mean to gross you out like that.

Have a nice week ahead my darlings.

Thank you for still reading.

Sidenotes:

Chinese New Year is coming up soon and this year is the Bunny Year. 1987 babies, which includes me belongs to the Bunny Year.

As far as I don't believe much in all these zodiac and star-signs readings, at times it could be pretty accurate.

So let just hope this Bunny Year will fulfill us abundance of joy, happiness and prosper us with good wealth.

Wanted to say prosper us with more money/cash/cheques, but shall us not be greedy and be contented with what lay upon us.

Things change, people change. Life goes on.

What is Pain?
Love.

What triggers pain?

Memories.

What can heal pain?

Time.

What lengthens pain?

Martyrdom.

What is the initial sign of pain?

Tears.

What is the primary defense mechanism of pain?

Denial.

What is the primary stressor of pain?

Theme Song.

What is the history of pain?

Break Up.

How can you remove pain?

Let go.

How can you remove pain?

Move on.

Why do we experience pain?

Because we have a heart that loves.

Here's to the night.

It's been a while since I last rambled on a typical Saturday midnight. Well mainly to the fact that I am net-less for the past one month and only rely on the net provided at work to blog every now and then about my cynical life that is mocking me day by day. This is the part where a few friends would pat my back and say "Serves you right Eryn, you're just stubborn as usual."

I know I haven't made any sense lately to people around me with my personal life issues and uncertainties but I am very thankful to everyone that's been supporting my boneless back for the past two months. Finally I am capable of moving on and seeing things better rather than dwelling on my past that's been driving me nuts and making my temple throbbing with compulsive pulse beating like an old native drum.

Again, I think I am not making any sense in the above paragraphs.

Probably because I am mad at what just happened few hours ago so that's why I am not making any sense in this post as words and anger just collide and trying to get out of my mouth and drained through my fingers on this helplessly gray Dell laptop provided by the company.

I guessed frequent visitors should have noticed that I've haven't been updating my blog.

Good or bad? 

Heck would I care what you guys think about it, as this blog is a way to connect with my friends, my family and everyone. It's a way of expressing myself when conversations, phone calls or text messages seem to fail on me. Also another way to tell everyone, I am still alive and well. 

Over the week, I got upset with myself over some matter. But finally understood the whole situation after being explained about it thoroughly. Tried to be strong and hide my tears as I talked, but then I thought "If crying makes you feel better then go ahead and cry." It's like my mind telling me things to do even before it happens but with all the ego crap tear duct was like all taped up with glue.

Which I did for like 5 minutes. Well, not that I actually timed it but why would I waste my tears and get bulgy eyes in the morning for something stupid?

I feel at ease now.

Well for now. 

Sometimes it's hard to get it into someone's head that not everything is meant to be. But in my case, everything is worth a try.

Life must go on, despite of everything that's coming your way.

You're at the verge of dying, it's either you're dead or not.

The traffic-light is red, it's either you stay or go ahead.

The food is cold, it's either you heat it up or eat it straight.

It's raining outside, use an umbrella or run through it.

Life is not about making the right choice or the right moves. It's actually more to what's best for yourself. Sometimes what is good for you might be harm for others. Sometimes what makes you happy, bring tears to the other person. Sometimes, everything doesn't seem to be enough.

It's not easy to please everyone but sometimes people just doesn't seem to get it.

I hope everything would settle down soon, because as calm as I try to be I don't want to be hypocrite that I am a little hay-wired up in my noodle-tangled brain.

Sidenotes:

To whom it may concerned,

Thanks for the little insight of "me" in your blog which I accidentally bumped into. Happy to know that you actually "felt" something over the past 6 months.

Wished you all the happiness in life.

Well everyone I know has got a reason to say, put the past away.

Okay before I start yapping, yes I know it's been a while since I last posted something in here.

Reason?

I lost the cause of writing actually and also busy with lots of stuff that's been going on in and out of my life. Even though of shutting down this blog as I don't find a reason of keeping it. Nevertheless, I couldn't find a reason of throwing it away too.

 

So how's everyone doing?

I hope everyone is in the pink of health.

Not blue, red or purple. Unless you feel like playing Barney for a day.

I am myself doing great, well at least I thought I am doing great so far. Life is not what you expect out of it, but it's what we always do.

Expect.

Wanting.

Hoping.

For something.

As we know we're drawing near to the end of the year.

Yes. Cliche as it may sound, but in a blink of an eye it's half past November. What have we achieved so far in this year?

This miserable mushroom picture was taken in front of

my work place with my awesome photography skill.

As for me, I landed myself a pretty awesome job in KL with a pretty awesome pay cheque. Busy with work lately, and got tangled in the web of office-politics. Well, let's not go there. It's absolutely not worth the typing.

I realised I went through a lot of trivial matters through out this year.

I am glad that I put a stop to it.

Thanks to the my Love who's currently so patient with my unstable emotions and so kind enough listening to my fuss and daily complaints I had to say almost everyday.

Okay, I am lost of words to say.

May this last coming month of this year, ends up with a blast.

Have a nice week ahead everyone, will blog when I decided to get out of my busy phase of life at the moment.


Sidenotes:
Not blaming on the writer's block.

But yes, it is the writer's block syndrome.

Need to get in touch again with this blog of mine.

Has a strong will, but a weak won't.

I don't like thinking about the past.

Because I start thinking...

"It was so simple, so easy and you took it all for granted. And you can never get it back."

Then all these emotions starts building in my chest.

Behind my eyes...

Clouding my thoughts...

And,

I can't speak

I can't think

And,

The only thing I know is...

I missed how it used to be.

I missed how I used to be.

Sidenotes:

Not having a writer's block.

More like a mental block this time.

Beginning to feel like every day of my life is like an open tryout for a wacky new reality television show.

Took this picture yesterday on the way back home with my loved one, it's a pretty sight of the rainbow, but sadly this only what a 5 megapixel picture from my phone could capture. Need to click it to view the rainbow, that's if you could spot it. 

This week had been a very crazy week for me...

To some people this sounds normal, as there isn't any day I am fully sane and functioning well according to some of my close friends.

For a start, my great grandmother passed away last week at the age of 90+ (couldn't clarify her rightful age as old folks back in the days didn't really take the whole identity registration thing seriously), so I've been told she died peacefully at right before dusk at the age of 90+. May Allah blessed her soul and look after her in the other side. Al-Fatihah.

After coming back from the funeral, I suffered from a terrible eyesore. Long story, make it short I've recovered from it after suffering from it for a several days. Blinking, twitching, and winking like a horny pirate with a dysfunctional right eye.

Other things happened as well, happy, sad, frustrating, disappointing, well to balance out it's a roller coaster plus merry go-round ride week.

I miss how easy life used to be before I actually learn how to feel mad and disappointed when things didn't go how I pictured it to be. It's true, that when feelings start to meddle with your heart, it could make your heart goes a little boom-boom and at times when you can't take it anymore it goes..

Kaboom.

That's when things starts not to make sense, and that's also when we start blaming each other because of each other flaws, faults and mistakes. But we're merely humans. 

Making mistakes is like part of our lives.

No matter how old you get, the phrase "See I told you so" is something you could never run from.

But I guess I am just going to sit down and say "It's alright."

Sidenotes:

1) Although it's a sad week, I do enjoy my company of loved ones around me. My family, my cats, and new found friends.

2) Spotted in KL on the way back from Tangs, last week.

As some may know I used to live in Jerantut, way back then when I was a little kid. I miss Pahang somehow.

Knowing someone you love don't feel the same way about you...

Memories they soon delete, hmmm.

Oh Raya, here we go again.

A day to stuff yourself with artificial sweeteners, artificial flavors, artificial food-colorings and of course fats and calories from the faithful Lemang and Rendang.

How is your Raya so far?

With my sisters (from left): Anis, Me and Adlinur

Mine, nothing new. The same old same routine, trip down south with my family. Visit relatives and every year apparently they seem to add a new collection to the family. More and more new faces, and it seems hard to remember the names of my cousin's children. Remembering their name is one thing, it doesn't come easy with those fancy telenovela/movie/football player inspired names.

Note to self, don't produce many babies and pick a simpler shorter nicer name like Eryn. But to be honest I do have a few names in mind if I have a daughter, name like Dawn, Violet and Summer. My mum would definitely go against these names. Heck she would probably say "Tak ada nama Melayu lain ke?"

The usual activity we do is gossip and more gossip, comparing who is living a better life and of course eat. All the houses I visited stuffed me up like a pig. By not eating it would consider you as rude and not appreciating the host offerings.

Other than that, Raya seems to be a normal week laced up with food and cookies that couldn't be found on normal days. Born and bred in Kuala Lumpur doesn't seem to help much neither in getting into the Raya spirit.  I wonder how Raya celebration would be in 10 years time. Especially if my future spouse living in the same state as I am it would be tad boring. This explains why I want to live in California so badly.

The joy of exchanging cards, well lets not go there...

Ever since there's Facebook, I don't even received a greeting card anymore. Before that it was the mobile-text greeting craze, with all the forwarded Raya messages. But it seems Facebook seems to took over the wishing-department with a click away by tagging people on pictures or videos that associated with the occasion we wanted to wish our friends.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed their Raya week and please bring back cookies for me. Nothing with nuts please, as I don't enjoyed them much. For the ones driving back home from their hometown, please get adequate amount of sleep/rest before going on that long journey. Don't quench yourself with energy drink such as Red Bull thinking that it would give you the extra hours behind the wheels. 

Be safe everyone. 

Sidenotes:

Missing her Gulahati extra more than usual during Raya week, the funny thing is we're only an hour away from each other. Why Raya week must be extra melancholic than usual daily week?

The Muses they pray loud, for your listless journey to me.

I lost my passion to write lately.

Be it blogging, sketching stuff on my notebook and doodle craps on receipts.

Sort of hate it too when people seems to be twisting words out of my mouth or excerpts from this blog. Then used it as a reason to bring me down or hate me. Worst still when they make stories out of nothing. Defamation, and attempts to humiliate me seems like it's never going to end. 

I do believe frien-emies are reading this blog and checked up on the update more often than my boyfriend did. It's funny too when they seem to be updated upon it faster than my best-friends and loved ones. Oh well, the pain and joy of being a ce'web'rity do have it's consequences and I'm here to talk about it.

As some as you may know, something tragic happened earlier this week. Well thank goodness I made it out alive and well. I rather not elaborate it much here and I don't want to remember it, besides I decided to act normal and lived a normal daily life as usual. I am not offended or mad at anyone. 

Instead I want to say thank you to whoever did this for giving me a Merdeka Eve I would not forget. I am sure going to get you back someday, maybe not today or tomorrow. But someday I will.

I don't hold grudges, but I let it out easily without hesitate. Okay enough of this let us move on to something else worth remembering about.

Anyway Hari Raya is coming up soon, how's your Raya preparation going on?

Me, my sister Anis and Adlinur on the way back to granny's place last year Raya in our dad's faithful serving truck

I left all the shopping to my mum's hands. Apparently I'm going all white and pink for raya this year. Last year Raya I was a bit chubby due to eating like a pig, this year I lost weight after I start eating like a piglet instead.  (Don't know if you get the inside joke or not, but heck screw it) 

So wait up for this year pictures allright?

As I don't know when is the next time I'll be blogging again, I would to wish everyone a very Happy Hari Raya especially to my family, relatives, my Gulahati and friends, ex-boyfriends, enemies, soon to be enemies, and new friends I'm ought to make anytime. Forgive me if I do say something that hurt your feelings or mentally or physically. I am just a human, not a saint. Just like the old saying says, To err is Human, to forgive is Divine.

Drive safe, doesn't matter if you're heading a long journey or just around the corner. Don't forget to invite me to all the "delicious catering food that you claimed your mum cooked it" open house. Or worst still took it from other people's open house and heat it up and claimed it's yours. Okay, I know I just asked for forgiveness like 10 seconds ago and now here I am being sarcastic again.

Watch the calories, the sugar, the fat intake this coming festive week allright, be safe where ever you are and if we might crossed path anytime, just give me a shout, a text or a call and I'll try my very best to make ends meet for everyone.

Last but not least, besides cash, I do receive and accept cheques for Duit Raya.

Tee-Hee.

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin.

Sidenotes:

You will see one day, I’m here to stay. Hold your hand to me. We’ll find a way

Find me here, speak to me.

Hello world.

It's been 2 weeks without any updates from me. So I am here to blog that I am still alive. Thank you for the well wishes, text messages and phone calls.

I am sorry I couldn't return any of the calls or text messages as I needed time alone. No, I wasn't running away from anyone, not from you or them. 

Two weeks away from society gave me time to think and ponder about what's been going on in my life lately. Realized it's been one hell of a roller-coaster ride, or shall I add few bungee jumpings in the intervals of my drama. 

Yes, it's so confusing until I need a 2 weeks break

Thank you to a few friends which effortlessly being there for me when I need them. I don't know what would I've become without you and kindly appreciate each kind gesture you showed me.

So where have I've been for the past 2 weeks, that is for me to know and you to never find out.

I just want to put those 2 weeks far, far away from my mind and preferably not to remember it any time soon. But to those who knew, I hope it'll be our little secret.

Today like any ordinary day, I logged into my bank account to find out I've been blocked due to failed login attempts for 3 times. This what happens when your Facebook and bank account password are about the same. 

Yes, that's a silly me scenario.

Then I logged in into my Facebook to find lots of messages in my inbox and on my wall from everyone that's been concerning about my whereabouts.

I didn't knew I was so loved by everyone. Thank you again.

But no worries, I am doing fine. Been taken care of by my loved ones. Safe and sound at home.

I shall be up and blogging again with my crazy updates soon.

Let me leave you with an excerpt of a song that plays through my head all evening today to end this short blog post.

Everything by Lifehouse

Find me here, speak to me

I want to feel you, I need to hear you

You are the light that's leading me to the place

Where I find peace again

You are the strength that keeps me walking

You are the hope that keeps me trusting

You are the light to my soul

You are my purpose

You're everything 

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than

this

You calm the storms and you give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won't let me fall

You still my heart, and you take my breath away

Would you take me in take me deeper now

And how can I stand here with you 

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than

this

And how can I stand here with you 

And not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be any better than

this

Cause you're all I want, 

You're all I need

You're everything... everything

You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything... everything

Sidenotes:

Sometimes not all things dear in life would always be dear to us. Sometimes what's dear to us doesn't even know that they meant that much to us, which sometimes gave us the idea to let go of them.

As usual, with me confusion is nothing new.

I love the way I feel whenever I am with you.

Sometimes its the small things that gets you by.

The giggles, the way they smile, the way they eat, the way how their hugs makes you feel loved or simply the way they explained something.

Thats what makes a relationship goes round.

Not square nor triangle.

And thats the way I feel whenever time is spent with Gulahati.

We could be eating by the road side, lay down on the tarmac, stuck in the jam, but he always put a smile on my face, or better still always get me giggling until he doesn't understand why did I giggled.

Last Thursday night I had dinner at Monrods with Gulahati.

Since we went there after buka puasa time, the restaurant was quiet. Had my regular Lamb Chop while he had Black Pepper Chicken Chop.

Gulahati's Sparkling Blue Curacao and my Sparkling Blueberry

(Two thumbs up for the Blue Curacao)

Since there was no one else around, it was kind of peaceful having dinner just the two of us. Had dinner while watching Karate Kid on mute sound. It was peaceful until, the owner of the restaurant starts karaoke-ing dedicated each and every songs to us.

It was funny as hell, having two guys serenading songs to us. Felt special for a while. After we thought it was time for us to head back home, the owner of the restaurant treat us with free Monrod's Ice Blended and Caramel Pudding (forgotten to take picture of it).

Well its about time they treat us since I've been spending hundreds on them already. 

After dinner went back home since we're going to have a very long Friday.

Then yesterday, woke up with a shit load of tasks to do.

Went and settled traffic summons and renew the roadtax.

While waited for our turn to pay the summons, we met Po, the police cat.

Well his name is not Po, it's just shorten from the word Police, how lame was that? Haha.

(Pity him got stuck beside my boobies and Gulahati's arms)

Traffic summons that's worth a month basic salary. Yes, it was that much. So go figure. 

After paying up, settled the roadtax...the original plan was to go to The Curve and watch movie. Also planned to break our fast with Ikea meatballs.

Half-way to The Curve, Gulahati asked "Do you still want to eat meatballs?"

I was like, "No, why?"

"Then I'll take you elsewhere", he said.

"Where?" 

"If I tell you then it wouldn't be a surprise." "But I'm afraid you can't stand it.."

"Stand what?", I started to get curious.

He just continue driving, and kept mum about it.

We passed by Batu Caves and I asked, "Are you taking me to Batu Caves?"

He continues driving as if he didn't listen a single thing  I said. All the way until Ulu Yam. The road at Ulu Yam is sort of quiet filled with trees and it's a very long stretch of road.

"Sayang where are you taking me?"

"I'm selling you off to Thailand.."

"Woits, I'm asking properly.." (starting to get agitated)

Then he told me to sleep first as it's going to be a very long journey still. The funny thing was I did fell asleep. I didn't know why I was so sleepy. Probably because I woke up early.

I didn't know how long I slept, but I did woke up in the middle of the journey and asked him, "Why there's mist everywhere?"

He said it's due to the rain.

30 minutes later, I think. He woke me up again, "We've arrived"

Opened my eyes to this sight...

Genting?!

No wonder he said I might not stand it since I didn't bring any sweater, but it wasn't that cold anyway.

Okay I don't want to sound so jakun (primitive in English), but the last time I went to Genting I was 14 years old I think. So that was like what 9-10 years ago?

Hugged Gulahati and thanked him for the surprise, yes I was surprised!

But our journey didn't just ended there, something funny happened while we were at Genting. But I promised Gulahati not to mention it on blog as it was embarrassing. Not that embarrassing, but something we decided to keep it to ourselves. After all blundering everything on blog seems not to be appropriate at times. Some memories worth kept to ourselves. 

Anyway, we did break our fast at Genting at Only Mee and Friends Restaurant. Had a hot pot rice dish, which was delicious and not to forget 5 ringgit worth Teh Tarik.

5 ringgit per glass. Everything is so expensive at Genting, it's still the same F&N condensed milk and same unbranded tea they used.

Since it's 5 ringgit I need to put a picture up.

After that we went back to KL straight.

Stopped by Dataran, and Gulahati hang out with his friends while I sat in the car Facebook-ing through my phone on a crappy wireless service.

Then we head off for supper cum Sahur, as I got thirsty.

It's funny when our order arrived. Which I think it was just cute.

Blue for him and Pink for her

(It was merely a coincidence, I think)

Talked and giggled with Gulahati. It's nice knowing that  I made him happy.

I believed sometimes things happened for a reason, have you find yours?

Have a great weekend ahead Everyone.

Take care Loves.

Sidenotes:

Sometimes things have to fall apart in order for better things to fall in place.

Only the first day that matters

According to Gulahati...

First day of the fasting month matters a lot. It's one of the days besides Raya that is, family get together and break their fast together. So indirectly I'm telling I am breaking my fast alone today, since he's breaking his fast with his family.

Sigh.

But on the other hand, its glad to know he's a family man.

I like!

Well my day just didn't begin just like that today.

For a start, last night I was bored after talking on the phone with Gulahati I went on and fondle my phone. All the sudden it popped a reminder telling me my phone memory was full. Before I did get to do anything about it, the phone got stuck.

So I fondle even more.

Voila! I found an option says to reset my phone memory.

Sheepishly I just tap on the screen and poof!

It took 10 mins to actually reset everything to manufacturer standard. Then after followed the instructions, the phone was back on functioning again.

Only then I realised, I just did something stupid.

When it went on reset, apparently it deleted my contacts too. Okay I know, I know I am so stupid like that when it comes to technology. Even sometimes when Gulahati was explaining stuff to me about gadgets or cars, I'll be like "Uh huh, with that look as if you understand but actually it sounds as if he was talking in robotic language."

Then I got so pissed with the phone, I decided to just head off to bed after drinking my strawberry milk which was also my dinner.

ZzzzZZZzzzZZZZzzzZZZzz......

Up until 3.23am, received a call from Melbourne asking me to wake up for sahur. How thoughtful was that? Thanks to Abang Adri for effortlessly tried waking me up, all the way from Melbourne.

After talked to him on the phone, which I didn't remember what I actually babbled. I fell asleep again.

Up until 5 am, received a call from Azri Aizat asking me to wake up for Sahur probably...but I didn't answer the phone. Then received an sms asking me to wake up, I was like...

I'm so lucky having such friends. 

Do call me more and wake me up everyday for Sahur okay? Hehe.

Anyway to cut the story short, I didn't eat nor drink anything for Sahur and dozed off till morning. Dozed off till morning was a thing, waking up late was another thing.

I woke up all the sudden today, telling myself "Why my alarm isn't waking me up?"

Turned around and looked for my phone.

945 am?! I'm suppose to be out by now. Thank goodness, Gulahati called me asking me whether am I fasting today or not. Or else I would probably snoozed till god knows when.

I was so tempted to buy yogurt drink at the grocery store below my place, but I told myself just try make it through the day.

Yummy, gulp, burp?

I am so proud of myself, I am still sitting still not craving for food nor drink.

Gulahati said it's Impressive.

Okay that's a short update for today, let us see how am I breaking my fast today. Probably could be a piece for a blog post tomorrow?

Few more hours people, few more hours. 

Be strong.

Sidenotes:
The reason why I am afraid is because there is only One of you, Gulahati.