Has reached an age that has no significance at all.

Hello world.

As for today I am officially 23 years and 2 days old. Some might be wondering, (especially my parents) did I had a blast on my birthday?  Or did I behave well on that day?

Not so. In fact I didn't celebrate at all but I did received lots of presents from everyone around me. Thank you for the birthday treats, you guys are an awesome bunch of friends. Apparently everyone think I need extra clothes because that's what I've been getting much this year. But anyway thank you to all for making my miserable day less miserable than usual. 

But out of all the gifts I've received, the best gift ever is from someone very dear to my life. Thank you, and I thought you didn't love me anymore. I promised to use it wisely, would probably splurge it on food for the coming weeks. I miss everyone so much.

As I mentioned before, I got myself a birthday gift too. Well I've moved to a new place, bigger and airy room. So big that you can fit almost everything in the hall in my room. My cat seem to adapt well with her new friends aka my new housemates too.

I was too tired from all the shifting and moving until I was so lazy to go for dinner, and thanks to my loved one for making it possible for me to moved out from the old place to the new penthouse, well not so much of a penthouse but I am happy with the place.

Had a hard time sleeping yesterday.

Well for a start had a tummy ache. Due to the amount of lactose I took yesterday before I sleep. A bottle of milk, a box of chocolate milk, and a tub of peach yogurt. 

Then I woke up around 3 am to pee. Tossed and turn until I finally fall asleep. It was so cold, although I already put the fan on the slowest mode possible. Kept on clinging to the blanket, covering my little toes and wearing long pants to sleep wasn't much of a help neither. 

Note to self: Buy a comforter.

Due to the coldness, I woke up by myself before the alarm rings at 8.20 am  rather than usual 9 am wake up call. Now I'm at work and all I could think of now is my bed in my new room and the big airy fan.

Just a short post today, to let you know that I made it out alive passing through another year to reached an age that has no significance at all.

Sidenotes:

Thank you again to all who wished me on my phone, birthday calls and Facebook wishes. Surprised yet happy with all the love I'm getting from you guys who's been supporting my back ever since we've been friends.

It's been a while since I end my post with this, but as usual I love each and everyone of you always.

For "You the one that I Love".

I’m not the prettiest girl out there. 

I don’t have the best physical assets that might attribute to someone’s liking. 

Shit, I probably don’t have a lot of the things someone would want in a girl. 

I probably have a lot of the characteristics that others would look past in an instant. 

I’m problematic, emotional, overanalytical, and at times hateful towards myself. 

I’m secretive, aloof, and sometimes I expect more than what I can handle.

I’m odd, weird, and troublesome. I think too much, I’m too sad sometimes. 

I hesitate a lot when it comes to big decisions. 

I’m often over-looked. I’m very selfish. 

I’m under the influence too much, ‘cause I feel like my life is boring. 

I sing my heart out to let go, ease the stress, or because I just need that daily fix. 

I’m, most of the time, a constant mess. 

I’m usually in ruts and bad situations that I put upon myself. 

I’m too much of this, too much of that. 

Not enough of this, not enough of that. 

But despite it, if you can handle all of what I am and you ain’t scared, I’ll let you in with the warmest of welcomes and in the realest of ways.

Sidenotes:

Thank you for not sending me to the asylum despite my crazy goodnight calls, middle in the morning texting and random out of the blue I Love You. I know I am hard to keep up with at times.

Go ahead. Make my day.

It's been a week since the blog went on Private Viewing only. It was due to the fact I had fanatic readers that went splurging statuses on their respective Facebook wall criticizing my previous post about my tree-hugging enemies over the other part of Malaysia. Since I was lazy to like counter back every single thing they posted, I decided to went on semi-hiatus and forget everything for a week.

So it's been a week since I last posted and now I'm back with points that would end up both of them, (well my tree-hugging friends) to splurge and paint their walls with my name and unrelated pictures that they thought would get me irritated and pissed. I was amused seriously, and no heart taken on anything that was posted by them neither. But I would like to say a few things only.

1) She is guilty nevertheless for lying to me and my friend.

2) You're not that good either so please stop pretending that you're the one being blamed for nothing.

3) I didn't humiliate you totally yet although everyone told me to do so, so please don't trigger me.

4) Don't be so humble, you're not that great.

5) Even your friends, few days back posted how suck KL is so I guess we're even.

Okay enough talking about both of you that's been wasting my time, sweat and tears and less to say money? Back to self rambling now.

Birthday is coming right up soon. Like any other birthday I am always looking forward to it although it is just another day passing by. But I am excited for this year birthday as, I am presenting myself a new place to live in. Deposit plus rental, it's one heck of a birthday gift for myself. Well the new place is nice, gated with security, gym, nice view and other facilities. So if I still look like a plum this upcoming months, please smack me in the ass and tie me up to the treadmill.

What do I wish for this year birthday? 

Like every other birthday, good health for me and my family, undying love from my friends and loved one, and lots of gifts. Okay, I was just joking on the last part of the sentence. But I do accept cheques, may it be Cash Cheque or Deposit Cheque under my name. Hope my daddy would like deposit a few hundred to spend on my birthday. I promised I would spend it wisely on a nice birthday dinner for myself. 

Please Daddy, I promise I be nice.

Sidenotes:

Coincidentally, my birthday is a public holiday over there for my tree-hugging friends to celebrate the joy of harvesting. 

Oh well, I am not complaining am I?

Today is the morning...

Where every side of the bed is wrong.

Yesterday night I had a few issues with myself, my loved one and my past. Well it all started with my past, who decided to be a total a-hole and made me upset through out the day.

Playing even is nice, but then I just don't get it the purpose of deceiving me and lied to me about everything. The co-partner of the whole deceiving process is another b-hole who lied to me and my friend. People could just pretend to you. I think she should win an Emmy for deceiving me and my friend. Please don't tell me you did that because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. If you're a female and you're in my shoes, oh well to sum it up karma is a bitch my dear. As cliche as it may sound, what goes around comes around. Let us see how you handle it this time. I'm glad its over, I'm glad you could accept your fate. I'm glad you could accept everything. Him, his little one and his family. At least now I don't have to learn your native language nor have to worry I might have to live in a tree house someday and eat tapioca for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Yes, playing even is nice. My blog, my mouth, my fingers. I could type, say and mean every single words typed in here. Same goes to Facebook, I could splurge everything I want in there. Because it's mine. So don't tell me to take stuff off there, as it's mine. So funny and so adult of you my significant past, as if there's no other way to tell me what you had to tell me yesterday. So matured of you. Of well, we were never meant to be together in the first place, should have dump you from the day I saw that paper saying that you're married. What was I thinking? Love is blind, was blind, and still blinded with your whole playing innocent ego.

Oh well, no used of grumbling about it now. She choose you because she doesn't have any other choice really. Yes, I am mean like that. Hope you guys lived happily ever after with a van of kids.

Okay that's enough for now. I could bitched whole day and might took the whole blog page to describe how pissed I am.

Meanwhile, this morning I woke up with an aching body. Back bone feels like cracked in the middle and shoulder feels like as if I grew wings on it. Felt as if I could use more sleep, I tried to snuggle in with my pillows and blanket. Tossed and turned. 

By the time I had enough of tossing myself like hot bread that just got out of the oven it was already 9.15 am. As usual, checked the cat's food, water and cleaned her poo-poo. Bathe, and got ready for work. Wore my contacts lens and it just wouldn't stick to my eye. Right eye was okay. The left eye that bugs me. The contacts went right up the eye lid. Yes, ouch really.

Blinked, eye drops, blinked, massaged, more eye drops and finally it came out. I thought maybe because I didn't soaked it long enough for it to freshen up and moist enough for my eye, so I took my second contact lens case as I opened two pairs of lenses this month. This time the right side went up the eye lid. Yes, the whole blinked, and more blink steps occurred until it popped out.

Today couldn't just get any worst.

Here I am now at work, just done breakfast. Feeling less crappy, but still a little upset over everything that happened yesterday. I wished I could just close my eyes and pretend I was invisible for a second. 

Well, maybe for more than a second. 

Gazillion seconds maybe?

Sidenotes:

Happy 14th Birthday to my sister Eleanor, I didn't forget your birthday. Just that I didn't had the chance to reload my Maxis number. I love you and everyone always.

Eryn Azrin's status is based on a true story. Names and places have been changed to protect identities.

Facebook.

It seems like it's taken over the function of other Internet applications such as the Windows Live Messenger, Yahoo Messenger and AIM. Yes, I do have all three of the mentioned messengers.

Why so many, some may asked me. Well, my university friends adores Yahoo Messenger better than other messengers. Besides YM works on slow connection compared to Windows Live that goes haywire when you're on a slow F' up connection. AIM, is because of well I don't really know why I actually had them.

Probably I thought it was a cool idea of having it back then. 

Anyway, back to Facebook.

I seldom get online on any of my messenger lately after the evolution of Facebook. Because, I think everything you need to know about your friend is in Facebook. It does all the little spying job for you without even saying Hi or Hello, how are you doing?  

Besides connecting friends, spying on them and getting attention my loved ones couldn't give me with Facebook, I used Facebook for other reasons as well. To lashed out my emotions on a bad day, connect with my faithful blog readers and also smothering my loved one's walls if they decided to turn off their handphones.

Okay, I might be a little exaggerating on the last sentence.

Today I received a comment from a primary school friend after wishing her Happy Birthday on her wall.

MWW: Thanks Azrin!!.. love your status-es by the way.

EA: You're welcome..haha..whats there to love about it anyway?

MWW: I dunno.. just very nice to read and so much meaning and depth to it.. ;)

It's funny when someone said my status updates are very nice to read.

Because sometimes I do get this kind of messages in my inbox :

"I know you're talking about me on your status" 

"I know it's about me.."

"Why don't you just pee on my wall?"

Yes, I do received hate-mail just because of my status update.

It is funny, well more of hilarious actually because sometimes my status update are quoted off from a song, movie or anything that crossed my mind or eyes that particular day. Sometimes it wasn't meant for anyone nor about me as well. Sometimes it was posted as a self reminder for me, but the next day when I come online, I was left to read with debates between my friends of what I posted.

Apparently my words seems to touched people's hearts.

Sidenotes:

Even this blog gets hate-mail / hate comments as well.

Tee-hee.

May the force be with you in the month of May.

Tick tock, tick tock.

It's already May. 6th of May to be exact. Which mean another 25 days to my birthday.

Turning 23 this year seems to be something that I've been looking forward to for the past 5 months of the year 2010. Not really a significant age number, but so far it's been a very bouncy year for me.

Let me re-cap or review on how's my life going so far through out the quarter of the year of 2010.

Love life: 

It's a question with a lot of possible answers, sometimes good. Sometimes bad, sometimes cranky. Sometimes I just don't get it. Sometimes I just don't give a damn as well. Probably the muse or feud over this "relationship" or "strings of attachment" would only be answered the day I say "I do".

Friends: 

Starting to hate the bunch of friends I have, starting to think they're not worth befriending with. It's not the trust issue we have to work on, but if you're my friend, don't give me "you'll be there for me" bullshit when you're not here when I need you.

Work:

Going on okay.

Family:

No comment.

Myself:

Happy, contented with life, well at least I think so. It's only been May, another 6 more months before the year end and for me to see for myself what I've achieved or accomplished in life.

Okay, enough of self reflection. It's time for wish-list!

23rd birthday, meaning 23 things on my birthday wish-list. 

I'm kidding. 

But I do have my eye on all "Cotton On" stuff from their cardigans, shorts, tops and shoes. Maybe I'll treat myself a birthday shopping trip with my next salary.

Oh yeah, by the way I've been wearing contact lenses for the past 3 days and sort of forgotten how I look like with glasses on. Also bought myself a very striking pink colour sneakers, so bright you could locate me 100 feet away in the dark.

Since I'm wearing contact lens, now my hand itches for sunnies. Nothing Ray Ban like, I think it would make me look like a blind person rather than a cool one. Now that's another birthday wish-list item.

May, please be gone soon. I'm just so excited turning 23.

Sidenotes:

Happy 3rd month of trying to be on the same wavelength with me my loved one.

I love seeing you in Brown, not white nor black.

"Never go to bed mad. Stay awake and plot horrible revenge."

Things seems to be looking brighter on the other side of life lately. Sometimes things seems to be a little shitty too. But standing at the corner of my mind, nothing seems to be perfect it seems in his eyes. 

Everything seems to be out of order, out of line and out of service.

Out of touch.

Furthermore, out of love.

Some may not understand, some may not give a damn, and some couldn't care less either.

It's funny when you tried and tried and tried numerously and nothing seems to be enough.

Nor satisfying.

Life sucks balls, nuts and banana when what you've become is not something that makes you happy, but hoping it would make everyone else is happy.

They say I'm lucky.

Some said I'm blessed.

While I think I am going mad with everything. I need them. I need him and I need the others as well.

It's been a while since I last cried and it seems forever since I last had a laugh.

I need to be cracked, at the same time I'm cracked.

Not like Humpty Dumpty. But more like steam egg with sesame oil and pepper like the ones my dad used to cook for us.

So fragile so firm yet breaks by the touch of a spoon.

What's going on with me, only God, erm no, he knows. 

 Okay, today is not a good day for me nor my loved ones. Thank you for the texts messages and calls to everyone thats being so thoughtful and concerned.

I'll get back to each and everyone of you soon, I promise.

I'm going to leave this post and rest for now with the chatter sounds of Izwan and the others.

As usual, I love you, them and yes, you too as you're reading this.

Sidenotes:

1) In my opinion, you always look good in Brown and yes, I miss you a lot. I hope you could hear me out for just a minute. But if you could give me more than a minute, you'll be the best'est of the best I ever had.

2) Tasha, the cat just passed away. Bad news, after bad news I'm receiving.

Whats next?

Marry me.

Dearest blog of mine,

I had a sleepless night yesterday and I think you're the only one I could confide in without having you babble something back at me.

Last night, I received an sms from someone asking me to marry him. I was like breathing a tempo of "wtf" for the whole 2 minutes as I read that short text message.

 Picture courtesy of Google search, 
forgotten to write down the source of it. 

Credit to the owner though.

Shocked: Yes.

Excited: No.

The funny thing was, the sender out of all the person in the world knew that I've planned to get married at the age of 28 despite whom am I currently dating at that moment.

So I replied, "Hell no, are you crazy?". I don't want to write down here what was his reply, but I find it quite amusing.

In your dreams I would actually consider marrying you today even though if God tells me I'm going to die tomorrow.

Then, when it almost reaches 2 am,  I received another text message this time from a different sender which I haven't heard for quite some time.

The message goes like this, "If anything please call or sms me ok BB, luv you".

I was like, "Wtf is going on? What kind of prank is this? Why am I receiving love-related text messages in the wee of the night?"

I am not Hot, nor Sexy.

I'm short, a little stubby, and sounds like Daisy Duck whenever my voice starts running out of pitch.

In the end I did fell asleep, ignored both messages and dozed of dreaming of my prince charming with his black horse and his red saddle.

Woke up at 9 am as usual to go to work.

Yes, I do work on a Sunday and my off day on Monday.

Before I left the house, I checked the short text message I received around 4am.

"Babe, uncle D wants to introduce you to a friend of his. 32, bank officer, Chinese, drives a 3 series"

I snorted with laughter when I read that message.

Yes, snorted.

What's up with all this matching/pairing? I am capable of finding love of my own.

I can even cut you into pieces if I want to.

I am currently happy with my significant other. I am not asking for more, nor less or extra.

It's not fame, title, wealth or car I'm looking at / for.

You could be driving a Boeing 747, and I would still not look at you.

Okay, enough of rambling.

Tomorrow is Monday and Monday is a day for Love.

Laundry: Checked.

Housekeeping: Checked.

Cat shower / grooming : Checked.

Meaning tomorrow is only reserved for significant other and me.

What else could to do on a off day?

Lunch, Movie, Dinner and eye-gazing with Love.

Going to watch Shutter Island tomorrow. 

Last week, we watched Date Night, but I didn't have anything much to blog on, but it was a funny movie, recommended for the ones who needs a laugh.

Shall blog about it soon.

Happy Sunday people and as usual my love goes out to all of you.

Yes, you too as you're reading this.

Sidenotes:

This week is a crazy-hell / crazy cow week for me. People that I'm closed with are acting weird. All the sudden telling me he's sorry because he did wrong towards me, but keeping mum on what's going on either. Stop driving me mad please.

Get well soon to everyone that's been giving me headaches.

You know who you are.

If this life gets any harder now.

"It ain't no nevermind
You got me by your side"
- Fly Away From Here by Aerosmith

This past 2 weeks seems to be a very bad week for me and everyone around me. 

+ Significant other down with fever, flu and cough.

+ Mishaps happens at my workplace.
+ Friend lost his GTI.
+ Money lost in transaction between 2 accounts.

+ Ex-bf drama.
+ Another friend lost his Perdana.

+ Me coughing blood (I am okay, now)

But out of all the things happened is the past 2 weeks, only one thing that caught my attention. Well short to say, touches my heart literally. It is sad to see someone dear to you sad as well. Also, it sucks knowing you tried your very best cheering them up but all attempts seem to fail when that person already closed him/herself for others to put the sunshine back in their life.

I am writing this because it's been 2 days I saw him down without a smile. Telling him it's not the end of the world seems to mean nothing. Telling him that he has nothing else to lose compared to others that living his/her life at stake not seem to be helping neither.

I know it's hard. 

I know it's not easy.

But you have others out there that loves you as well. Grieving over someone who don't appreciate us is a waste of time actually. Been there and done that.

For instance, I wasted months crying and hoping for Tinkerbell to puff some magic dust and turn me into a princess so that he loves me back.

Instead, I collect house-dust and lived my life on a gloomy note until the day I found you as my friend.

I still care for you although we went through some rough patch of a month back. 

I know you could do better than this. You held my hand and gave me something to hold on to when I was down, now I am here doing the same thing for you in return.

You told me you're okay.

I know you're not.

I miss the "you" that I met a while back.

The one who sings as if the world is his, the one who loves hearing me crapping about my daily mundane life, the one who loves his friends just how I love my friends too. 

The one who put the smile back on my face, and cheered me up during my time of need.

Now, it's your turn to Smile.

Sidenotes:

I've never thought it was possible to love someone too much, but maybe it is.

Edward, my ass please.

What a not so tiring Monday I had.

Woke up around 12pm feeling hungry as hell. I don't know how long I could tolerate this whole diet crap seriously. Yes, I know I need exercise but time is what I do not have.

Anyone who have direct contact with any fairy godmother/father/pixie fairy please do tell me, I don't need 3 wishes. Just one that I yearn to be granted, which is suck all the fats I have and please do give back my 45kg body. Okay, now that's 2 wishes.

When down to reload my phone and called Eddy, my significant other that never failed to charm me with his Johnie Walker eyes and James Dean smile. The one whom I could count on hearing my dysfunctional ideas of love and still have the patience not to smack me on my forehead when I am blur and confused over small petty things. 

A day before, we've planned to have lunch and bid adieu as he needs to attend a job interview before 5.30 pm. Or he attends interview and see me after that. But being the nosy, bored and clingy-palm-tight love of his, I said I wanted to tag along. After all the interview was held at Mid Valley Boulevard, so I could always window-shopping while he go for his interview. So to cut short the story, yesterday we had lunch and went straight to Mid Valley. By the time we reached there it's already 3.30 pm.

Left him off for his interview and I went off alone walking aimlessly.

Walking alone feels crappy enough, plus with the aimless look on your face, well in conclusion pathetic I shall say.

By the time he's done, it's already 5 pm. Wanted to go home but as it was raining, so a terrible traffic convulsion expected on Federal Highway which suck balls totally. So we went and check on movie tickets, we watched almost every English movie available almost every week. Contemplated between How to Train Your Dragon, Green Zone and Daybreaker. Then contemplated between the show time, as we planned to do some stuff after that.

In the end we decided to watch Daybreaker. Eddy's sister said the story is better than Clash of The Titans. We've watched Clash of The Titans and thought it was awesome, but since she said Daybreaker is way better  so what the heck give it a try after all it was Eddy's treat. So I didn't care much which movie to watch.

Daybreaker is some vampire-needs-blood kind of story. The funny thing was, the hero's name is Edward. I was like Edward, my ass. Please have some originality. So Twilight-ish Edward-ness-Cullen-crap. It was some low-budget movie as only 3 bats were harmed through out the movie. The director/screen play/script writer expected me to get goosebumps with 3 bats only?

Well actually I did jumped from my seat a couple of times, not because it was a "gore-electrifying-eat-me-vampire-fangs-bitey" kind of movie but because the 3 bats jump out of no where without any linking to the story line either.

Out of 5. It only deserves 1 to me for the movie production effort in creating or even had the idea of producing that movie. Maybe they had an abundance amount of money, so they were like what the heck lets take 3 bats in the woods and on cue, roll the camera, action !

Okay, I don't know why I am full of sarcasm today. 

The show is at 9.50 pm. So we had like 3 hours to kill before the movie start. Went dinner at The Spaghetti Farm and well what else could we be eating other than Spaghetti ? Eddy had Chicken Bolognaise.

Guess what I had?

So much of concerning my fat, carbo, fiber crap intake. I ordered Classic Tomato spaghetti, with the thought of if there's no meat/chicken in it I am not going to get fat.

Yes, I know lame and stupid as it may sound but it's my blog and I don't care if I bore you with my detailed-off-day in order schedule. After all if I died anytime, I bet this blog would be something people coming back to and laugh over the rants I've posted in it.

Because everyone in my life and people I met daily is a part of this self-obsessed blog of mine. As I am typing this I might be talking about you, and yes you too.

Back to the tomato story. Ugh, it tasted like crap. Not that I've tasted crap before but I never thought eating spaghetti with only tomato sauce in it, could be so bland. Had to forced myself finishing it, while Eddy was done with his main dish and soup, I was still struggling with my noodle.

After dinner we still have another 2 hour to kill. So we went and chilled at The Gardens. Chit-chat, giggled and more chit-chat, things got so bored so we went back to Mid Valley. Funny thing was movie started 9.50 pm and they let us in 9.23 pm. Never let into a cinema hall that early before.

Fast forward.

By the time movie ends it's already 11.30 pm and off we went back home. Eddy stayed in until it was almost 3 am playing with Weebeet. He seems to like Weebeet a lot, and today Weebeet is looking for him through out the house. Great.

Another male Weebeet has fallen into.

I think I shall end today's post here. It's been dragged too far.

By the way to Eddy, Happy 2 months of pain in the ass !

Have a great week ahead. As usual, I love each and everyone of you.

Loads and always.

Sidenotes: 

1) I texted V on the to Mid Valley asking if he is still mad at me over the feud we had a while back. I was happy he replied and said he was not mad anymore. Strawberry Fields for coffee soon?

2) 3993: I don't know if things are getting better between us, I don't know how am I coping with it either. Maybe time would heal this, maybe not and maybe never. Friendship now feels like twig and apple. I am the apple, you're the twig. Pluck me off and you might be broken too. 

It's fun when you keep on guessing who am I talking about in this blog when the answer is only in my head. But if you think that's its you I'm referring to, well think about it.