:*: I love his Waist and He's Sexy :*:

Or was it me who's Horny ?

I hadn't seen him in awhile, and he's gone to Australia ( which we ALL know that ). I was looking at his pictures last night, and thought, Damn! He's really quite small built after all. His hair's all grown out now, and I thought he looked really cute with all the little curls he used to have. I think his Waist is Sexy too.

Every time I spend my day with him, I really like cuddling him, although it does make for some very restless sleep. I don't like it when I can't come over; falling to sleep in that embrace where the curve of my back fits onto his body, with his hands holding my arms (you can do that with small,petite body like me) is just too priceless.

I found the perfect song that should pretty much sum up my attitude today. I've listened to it countless times before, only, I never really listened to it. It's Sleep Together, by Garbage.

If we sleep together
Will you like me better
If we come together
We'll go down forever
If we sleep together
Will I like you better
If we come together
Prove it now or never

Make me a pretty person
Make me feel like I belong
Make me hard and make me happy
Make me beautiful

The emptiness
The craziness
Satisfy this hungriness


**Two Random Observations**
1) People give me multi-vitamins. I have absolutely NO idea why, but I am consistently being offered multi-vitamins, especially after meal, or too much fizzy drinks. Usually both.

2) Nestle Cereal is stupid. Kellogg Cereal is stupid. They refine the wheat till there's no nutritional value what so ever, add alot of refined sugar, artifical flavour, and then proceed to add vitamins artifically. Why don't they just give our kids the real thing?

:*: Me , Dead ? :*:

This is really Weird.

When I was young, (well not saying I'm old enough now) probably around 15 years of age, I have all these scribbles I wrote, and as I was going through one of them, I found this really queer one that made no sense whatsoever.

Go figure! Because I can't.

**********

Dear Diary,

I just died. I don't know how, but I did. One moment I was drinking a glass of Coke, and the next thing I knew, I was well, dead. I have no idea what my friends will say when they find me like this the next weekend they come to visit. I've tried dragging the body into the garden, but to no avail. Dead people aren't all that good at burying themselves, really.

Everything on earth looks strangely kitschy and badly colored, the sort of tones you get in an indy art-house film that's trying too hard. The coke's a strange sort of red-brownish, but it doesn't matter. I can't seem to drink it anyway.

Right now, I don't quite know what to do, so I'm just standing around in my room making up the first entry in the diary of a truly reborn soul.

I have a body that can't die now. Isn't that amazing?

I'm attempting flight at the moment, ghosts always could fly in the cartoons I watched as a kid. And those cartoons didn't lie. Dead people CAN fly. But it's not how I thought It'd be though. It's not like flying with wings, or floating about like David Copperfield.

That's so boring. Flying, when you're really, truly dead is akin to being omniscient. I don't quite know how to describe it, but I can be in so many places at once, know so many things, see the whole picture and see into everyone's little detailed lives.

I can lift myself a little, just up to the top of my roof, and the little street I spent the last few years in spreads out till...well, till the end of the street. I can project myself up, all the way into the cosmos, and the cyclones and all the oceans, and the Great Wall of China and most of Shanghai, sticking out of the earth, her buildings in all their magnificent dislocation; they all spread out before me.

And I can see someone's panties. They're black, with pink polka dots and little fake diamonds on them.

Zoom in, zoom out.

:*: Whine :*:

Sometime back I condemned reality, something I presently wish I could offer my apologies to, if it were possible. But it incessantly eludes me, with fact and fiction void of definition within my little space.

You can never know anything, because life will always be more capricious then any fickle-minded fancy you are capable of conjuring. I have proven it to myself. I can never imagine half of the shit that happens to me.

Is the fault then to be found in our stars, or in ourselves, that we are underlings?

Are our fates ever stagnant, can we ever make decisions based on complete information? Is there such a thing as all-inclusive, non-partial information.

Blame this sudden bout of philosophical intrusion on the rain I managed to get caught in. I suppose I stayed in it because it had seemed like such a terribly romantic thing to do. You can now tell me how erotic drizzle on a pitch-black silken tarred road, glossed over with warm-street lights can be. And I would understand.

Probably this blog after all can be changed to " The Daily Whinings of Eryn ".

Haha ?

:*: Crazy at the Moment :*:

It's such a fabulous day today for feeling upset. It's been drizzling quite a bit since late morning, and that always makes me start wondering about things like my self-worth and living in the moment, and other nonsense like that. I don't think about the former very much any more though, but it used to be a reliable topic for musing on when I was an adolescent. I'd just sit around for ages trying to figure out if other people were worth as much as I was. If they were nearly as sentient as I was.

Did what they think matter? If the adults yelled at me, were they really yelling at me, or was it just some flaw in the mechanism; Did they have thoughts like mine, and if so, what do I care if they did. Why should someone else's thoughts matter to me?

And then I thought that I thought too much and wished there were some way I could just blank out my mind and look at things as they were. As if they were linked to no memories, with no pasts, no images that linger in my mind. You can do it for awhile, but you can't sustain it. Maybe 3 minutes, and then you start thinking about how horrid life is. What a real drag it can be, with all its funny little shits, dumping so many things upon your shoulders.

Why must we wear clothes ?
I feel the weight of my baby-tee.

It's a simple little inconvenience that makes you realize how everything's just out there to dump things onto you. Dump clothes on our backs and food into our stomachs and unwanted memories into our minds.

Right now, I'd like to buy a plane ticket to see Bakry and hope the plane crashes while I'm at it.

:*: Hedgehog Babies :*:

*Picture taken from Boing Boing

We saw hedgehog in the zoo, but have you ever see hedgehog's baby before? Here you are. Aren't they cute ? If you look closely, you can actually see their lil willies, thats what my bf said. Cute !

:*: The Tenggol Island :*:

Aishah went to Tenggol Island last week, when she was trying to escape from the Haze in KL. Below are some "land" pics she shared with me.



* A beautiful beach, I wanna go !

* This was taken when Aishah went for Rock pooling.

* This was a few of the sculptures built by the two aspiring architect Aishah and her sister.

- On the top was suppose to be a Sand House, which looks more like a Mammoth Dung to me.

- Next, was suppose to be a hotel, built by Aishah's sister while she was snorkeling.

Can't wait for the "underwater" pics to be develop, I heard that there's sharks and turtles. Some sort like Finding Nemo scenery. Thanks Aishah.

19/8/05

A Blue Rose

A blue rose just for you
my way to show how much I love you.
So a blue rose for you to know
I am thinking of you at this moment
my heart feels blue for your heart.
I be so blue until I get to hold u.
Blue is us because i want u and u want me.
I know I wouldnt be blue
if I was with you!!!


Happy anniversary, comel.
Guess how I celebrated it?
By getting my ass kicked in the ring.. haha
We have to get ready/train for our fights... But the person I was training with does not seem to know the meaning of the term "a light fight". Haha..kena belasah..

Now my body hurts... gah... :S ha ha...
Darren didnt weren't allowed to fight. Maybe coz he just started..

Comel's not online today. She had to go to some banquet... I bet she's eating a lot.. ha ha...bagi gemuk sikit. ku ku

God, i could use a massage now. A good, deep massage :S But i takde duit!!! Grrr....

I love you, ok?

Muah, i got to go..mandi..damn i am smelly now :S

:*: I miss you on our 1 year 2 months Anniversary :*:

As I sit alone, I remember those beautiful moments we spent together.
I miss the soft touch of your hand.

I miss spending hours with you,
doing nothing yet loving it.

And I'm waiting till we can meet again,
Because I believe our love is true,
and neither time or distance,
can take you away from me.

I miss you.

:*: The Half Blood ^ Pink Princess :*:

It's been a while since I last blogged. Busy studying for my monthly test (although it is just a monthly test) lol. But I think I'm gonna fail in all except for my MUET and General Studies, lol it's not like I actually studied for them but at least I had lil faith in both papers. Today we had Biology, it was OK (emphasize in the capital "ok"). I think I'm gonna pass for it. Chemistry ? Ughh, even the objective questions was bloody hard. Tomorrow we're gonna have Maths, and I'm not prepared for it and I don't know what to study for it neither. During my pre-test, well sort of a test.. I got zero. ZerO with the big O. Have to pass at least this test, so the teacher won't look at me one-kind sinced I failed the last pre-test.

What happened in school today ? Let's re-cap what happened yesterday. Lol. Had my pregnancy test done, and it turns out to be negative. Thanks to Edmund for buying the whole testing kit, it turns out that he worried more than me as if he is responsible if I'm pregnant. (* Picturing the whole crying drama with Bakry, if that actually happened )

Today, let us start with Pizza breakfast. Edmund brought Pizza for my breakfast, well indirectly came to my table, whispered and asked "So how's the test?".."Positive?".."Negative?"

Me on the other hand, trying to make it sound serious that the result was Positive. But it seems that I'm not a good actress, I already laughed when I told him to guess it himself. We all felt relieved about it. Especially me who did the test, I didn't dare to look at it. Single line means you're not pregnant. I thought I saw double line at first. *Phew?*

After Biology test today, I felt the urged to go to the washroom. The washroom was upstairs beside Edmund's class. Went in to pee and I almost screamed when I saw traces of blood. OMG PERIOD ! Haha, I was like so happy, like some mad person. Who actually gets excited over a period ? Well certainly me.

Settled everything, then walked out of the toilet and Edmund came out of the class apparently to walked down and see me at my class to talk about our next Wednesday shopping plan at KLCC, I'm eyeing on that pink ballerina pump shoe..RM 248 and it is so Cute !

I was like "Edmund!". Then whispered to his ear that I got my period today, and some dude was like starring at the back of us. He must be thinking "What is so wrong with this girl ?". Lol, screw him as long I'm not pregnant and I'm happy. Bakry on the other hand, is it positively sure I'm not pregnant.

We talked, and talked and I realised that I have a crush on Edmund. Edmund my own "Angel" ? Ughh, and he got a girlfriend already. I was his "Mortal" when we had that 'Angel-Mortal' programme during the Orientation week. He was one of my 6 angels. He is friendly and all, but I guess the feelings are just temporary besides we're close as friends. I love Bakry, doesn't mean when you have a crush you actually gotta love them as a lover. Bakry know about my crush'es. Azizan Nin, Shinoda ? Now I like Jehan Miskin the actor, lol.

Nope, must set up in my mind, me and Edmund are just friends. Friends with benefit ? Lol.

It's not wrong to love your friends, right ?

**Today I've been dubbed as "the half-blood Princess" by the seniors, and I don't know why. Lol.

:*: It's All 'Cause I Love You :*:

To : Bakry

When I close my eyes I see a vision of you standing there.
I could hold you forever, as if I was with my favorite teddy bear.
I want to touch your face and feel your warmth of love shine through.
I want you to know it's all... 'cause I Love You.

You've made me feel things I have never felt in my heart.
I think we are two perfect hearts on to a great start.
You make me feel like I am the world to you, you are my world, too.
A simple reminder- it's all... 'cause I Love You.

When you're asleep each night, tucked into your bed,
Giving you a tender kiss goodnight is something I do not dread.
A hug to follow and another kiss is my bedtime wish.
And once again it's all... 'cause I Love You.

Deep inside me there is a person I had never seen
you have opened me up so I could see the real me.
And once again it's all... 'cause I Love You,
...and 'cause You Love me, too.

You're the perfect star in the sky above,
The one I wish upon with all my love.
The twinkle is so bright it reminds me of the spark
That appears when we kiss in the dark.

You live in my soul and I love you a lot,
I have cleared my heart, so it's all your spot.
And once again, it's all... 'cause I Love You.

by Amanda Ruth Donovan


*No post for today, as I have nothing to blog about. Enjoy the poem.