:*: The Perfect Couple ? :*:

Bakry and I are fair from perfect.

He takes me for granted. I snaps at him too easily. He needs to shower more affection on me - just not to the extent of overly drippy gushing. I, on the other hand, am demanding, petty and a complete affection whore.

We have different personalities. Our value systems differ because we think differently. But we both argue with equal intensity when we're both severely annoyed. But an epiphany hit me recently. Okay, maybe its not big enough to be called an epiphany, but it is a revelation nonetheless.

Bakry and I argue a lot - everyone knows that. Hell, it makes up possibly half my blog. lol. Yet, despite it all, we manage to work things out. Even when I am angry with him, all I want to do is hug him.

So perhaps, even though we might not be the perfect couple, the fact that despite it all, we're still together... maybe, just maybe we're both doing something right.

Well now I'm pissed cause its 5.43 pm (which is 7.43pm his time) and he's not online yet. He told me he's out only in the morning. I've waited like hours now. *Grrr*

:*: Live Life to the Fullest (Part 2) :*:

I don't know when did perfect strangers decide that other people were their responsibility, but somewhere along the lines, everyone eventually does. But you know what? No one is in a position to give advise to any one else in terms of how they should run their lives, especially not if their lives are of inferior quality. Of course, then again, who am I to judge whether their lives are of inferior quality to mine; I don't know, but I dare say mine's as good as it gets.

Because you see darling, life is not so much what happens to you and where you live and all that other external bullshit so much as it is what you feel and how you perceive the world around you. And the way I see it, my perception of the world is good enough for me. It is outrageous really, people telling you that your life should feel shit, and if it isn't it will start feeling like shit just because I wasn't living the way they were taught to live.

Maybe they're just jealous you know. I can't for my life imagine why a perfect stranger would care about my happiness in the future.

I wrote a little essay for MUET class today about how people that weren't tainted by the opinions of other people handled their relationships with the people that were immediately around them. How would it be like if we didn't have stupid things like television or self-help books to tell us how we should live life. How would it be like if we loved and developed relationships upon nothing else but how we simply felt towards the people that were immediately in our lives, and upon how they felt and responded towards in turn. What if we didn't have religion (which is also an external third party) telling us what to do, or statistics, or any of that bullshit.

What makes anyone think they have the knowledge to run someone's else's life? That's just absurd. I mean, there are certain things about people that would do them good to lose, but as I make the acquaintances of people I generally wouldn't give a shit for after I've met them and perhaps been offered a drink by them, I realize that the thing I wish with most people whose company I find tedious is for them to lose their know-it-all pseudo jaded attitude.

Yeah right. Sure life is difficult, but I don't have a problem with it being difficult, I have a problem with life boring me. And for heaven's sake, you aren't even thirty, I hope you're looking forward to a life of misery.

School has been mostly unchallenging, which is good, because that leaves me with more time to do things I want to do that I can hopefully fulfill my time with. Which leads me to a realization, that I never do anything without thinking about it in terms of how it would keep me occupied.

I've finally watched Sin City, 2 hours ago. I like Sin City because it tells us we are all neither good nor evil, but human. What works for one particular individual would not work for someone else, and our values are being compromised all the time, and sometimes they are naturally validated, sometimes we attempt to rationalize them. But at the end of the day you know what? You're still going to have to live this life and go through all its difficult bullshit so you might as well stop trying to make things more difficult them they already are by imposing on the natural state of your feelings with all these rules.

And then you die.

So what's the big deal already? What makes you think this time on earth even matters? You believe in eternal life? Well, the last I checked, eternity is about the past, present and the future. This is the present. You are already living the eternal life, and it's not really quite like hell, but it's not like heaven either.

Haze report : Very very Bad. API ( air pollution index ) stands out at 500, which is at the highest level meaning every single breath you breathes in, are going to kill you slowly if you keep breathing it for few more months. Freaky.

Classes are cancelled for tomorrow. Apparently today supposed to be a holiday, but my school decided to resume classes as usual. Yay for tomorrow.

:*: Live Life to the Fullest ? :*:

I've been unreasonably tired these days. They generally start of with an unreasonably route to school (which wouldn't be all that unreasonable if I didn't continously lose my steps on the school compound), some whacking around with paper, pens and pencils in class - I don't think I ever found school so fufilling. At least I get to bring back something everyday. I'd go back, attempt to finish Maths homework that's been sitting in my room for nearly 2 weeks now or write some bullshit for my Chemistry, or any number of other vaguely productive activities, then play with the piano for awhile.

Lately I've noticed that : It has occured to me that the common intepretation of 'someone you can live with' is completely depressing, because that's not what its supposed to me. When I say live, I really mean LIVE. I don't mean tolerate, I don't mean do the dishes, I mean really feel alive. Feel like everyday is just so cool, and that there's always something to do. Someone you can do all sorts of crazy shit with, the crazier the better. Like they say, nothing makes us feel more alive the thrill.

I know I'm not writing very much these days, but there has simply been no time. There are so many stories to tell, but so much to learn at the same time, and I've taken the latter for the moment.

p/s : The haze is getting worst day by day. I'm coughing like a 69 year old granny. My eyes sore, skin dried, and my nose is itchy due to the B.[ad] A.[ir] D.[ays].

:*: Grumpy :*:

Looking at the evil bunny somehow reminds me of Aishah. Just had to post it. Lol, I wonder what is she up to lately.

I've been unreasonably moody lately. You won't wanna cross path with me. Lol. I've been screaming, shouting almost to everyone. Don't know why I'm so grumpy lately. PMS-y ? Dunno, but I haven't gotten my period for this month yet.

I realised I've grown a bit fat. A bit as in, my tummy is out of shape. Well no where near that kind of "fat" you're picturing, but I've realised I have been eating a lot lately. One food after another. Probably cause I'm sad. I like to eat when I'm sad. The more sadder I am, the more food I'll eat. Aishah said probably cause of water retention, might be true since I drink water like a fish bowl everyday. I also heard that alergic to something cause water retention too ? What I've been alergic to lately ? Well, I've sneezed a lot lately and eyes a bit watery. Probably cause of the haze. Today's city view is gone from bad to worst. Blurry. 1 pm feels like 6pm. Geez, how bad was that ? I wonder how the view gonna be at night.

Yesterday, we had a lil food fiesta. Small banquet at my cousin's house. It was fun, and guess what ? Yes ; I ate a lot yesterday. Till 1am and I'm still eating. Small kids everywhere, cause most of my cousins were much elder than me and they're married and have kids. Thank god those brats didn't call me " auntie Eryn ", I don't wanna sound old nor get old, lol.

I felt guilty, for getting angry with my boyfriend. For unreasonable reasons, even small things makes me angry. May said it is because of the distance, when he gets back we'll be all over each other. True ? I don't know. My head feels a bit bumpy to be thinking right now. Ughh, better get that "anger-vibe" away as soon as possible. I don't wanna be a bad girl friend.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else ; you are the one who gets burned."
"Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten."
-- Siddhartha Buddha

Hmmmm

When I started talking to you that day in the chat room,
I didn't realise I would fall in love.
You were so genuine and funny,
It's like you were an angel from above.

I soon learned all about you,
And talked to you everyday.
The sweet nothings that you said to me,
Made me feel a long way away.

How much I wish we were closer,
The distance seems unbearable.
I wish I hadn't fallen for you,
The separation is terrible.

But every time I see your face,
I feel like I am near.
Your eyes and your smile,
Make me realise there is nothing to fear.

Every night I dream of you,
I never want to wake.
I sit and picture you,
I just can't help but shake.

One day I will close the distance,
One day I will see your face.
I will never want to leave your side,
I would travel through time and space.

:*: Love Sucks :*:

Wheres the love ?
That flys like a dove.

What is it about ?
Everyone is in doubt.

Why does it hurt ?
Sometimes I feel like dirt.

Why is it unfair ?
When love is so rare.

Love sucks, that's how it is everyday : all around the world.
We're killing each other with love.

:*: I want Vitamin Water :*:

As I was reading my Paris Hilton book : Confessions of an Heiress, she noted :

"NEVER DRINK DIET SODA. It shows you have no nerve. Only drink real colas, caffeine-packed energy drinks, or Vitamin Water. Hate champagne, because that's what everyone expects you to love. Energy drinks are the best party drinks. You never get tired. You never have a hangover. And you can make fun of all the loaded people who think they're clever but are really acting stupid."

* I want ! I wonder how it taste like.
** Where to get in Malaysia though ?
*** Are they even selling it over here ?

Vitamin Water website: http://www.drinkbetterwater.com/

:*: I'm so Arrogant ? :*:

School was fun today. Well at least it was fun 1/4 of the day. Edmund, my senior in U6Sc2 cooked for me Spaghetti Bolognese today : )

So I had spaghetti for recess time. It was delicious. He even taught me how to cook it. Not that hard, simple recipe. But I don't get it why he have to mix the mushroom powdered stock in it. For the mushroom kick' maybe.

Oh well thanks to Edmund, I had a wonderful meal today. Sorry to hear about your gloomy day yesterday, I hope it wasn't cause of the Eryn's Curse, cause I had bad aura around me yesterday too. They still get me annoyed today. Told Edmund about it, he said sometimes I'm a bit too arrogant. Am I ?
*looks upon her reflection on the computer screen*

Maybe I am. Just a bit ? You do the scaling.

I don't care what people think about me, it's not like I lived for them.

To the ladies (I'm a bit kind today so there's no B word for today) :
Just wave and smile girls, just wave and smile =p

Update 101 :
Apparently all 3 of them are under probation to be prefects.
Duck people, D-U-C-K ! *giggles*

Back in the land of the Roos

Hey everyone,

My 3-week trip to malaysia is now over and i'm back home.. i mean back in Oz..Lapar!!! Nak soto ayam!! And also my comel of course. :)

Came back to a messy apartment since Evan brought his work home instead of doing it at the studio... but then he cleaned the place up while i was sleeping.. haha..at least i got a good housemate.

It will only be a while before i get back to malaysia again..not sure when exactly, but i will be back in malaysia. So, u kena tunggu ok, comel?

Making myself a pathethic lunch today...melted cheese sandwich :( sedih nyer..haha

i love u a lot comel. And i miss u too.

muah...

:*: Life is Such a Mockery for me Today : I feel Bitchy :*:

My life is such a Drama, well life itself is a live movie we our ownselves created. In my previous post of mine ( Moral Quacks ), I stated I hate this school of mine and I wanted to get away from it for a long time. After what happened today, I feel like getting far away from it soon as possible.

Everyday there's something going on, in that petty school of mine. When are 'they' actually gonna grow up ? They as in the Bitches. Well they're not that bad, but technically they're getting on my nerves by doing nothing to me. Even when one of them were absent, I still could feel the bad vibe/aura surrounds the sunny, (sometimes windy) place of mine next to the little dusty window (which I supposed/being forced to clean) with the ugly green (I wished it was Pink) flowery curtains. Ok Eryn, enough of the extra nonsensical side notes. Well at least my window pane had an "ok" view. I can see the basketball court with tall lanky guys (except for Joshua, he's not lanky) playing b-Balls. The word "Balls" has to be in capitals, cause it seems to be a special word for me, hehe *drools*.

I love my school, I love my class, I love my friends, I love everything (well at least I've tried) but I can't seem to be getting along with the Bitches. The Bitches does have names, but I'm not gonna say/type it out since most of friends know about my blog and them.

Sadly to say, I knew the Bitches like for the past 5 years. From the beginning of my high school life in the "un"-Saint Mary Girl's School until I graduated my Form 5 ( O-levels for some ). Guess what, now I'm doing Form 6 ( A-levels ) and who registered the second week of the semester ? The Bitches of course. They registered together, and now they come to and fro together too.

What is so special about the Bitches, and why I hate them so much ? Well basically they're trouble maker in my previous school. Well not all of them, only 1 of them. Oh yeah, forgot to mention there's 3 of them. They talk bad behind me, well about me of course and I get to know about it from one of my friend. Well I talk bad about them too, but at least I do it in public, and they know about it and I'm truly honest with them that I hate them so much. Such an eye-sore to me, when 2 of them had to passed by my class to get to their class. To make it all sounds silly, well not silly to some of us... 2 of them are hitting on the younger guys... (apparently my block is facing the juniors)..Oh for the sake of your "Own Pride", if you have one that is...please don't be shallow well more like a bunch of losers to me.

What I hated most was, they came over to this new place with a new attitude. Not saying they turned over a new leaf or what-so-ever. It's more like acting to me. You know acting ? 1-2-3 action ! Who gets the youngest guys is the greatest fool of all ! *I'm so mean today*

For real, I know who they were. 5 years with them (1 of them used to be my classmate in my previous school), taught me a big lesson in life which is "People do anything for Attention". Why change yourself just to make people like you and to make people like me laugh at you ? *I'm feeling Bitchy*

I'm dragging the story too long, haven't I ? Oh well, it's not like you're gonna read it anyway. I love to write to get my Stress out. It feels good to get it all out in here.

Today I saw they're wearing an orange badge. Written on it "Probation Prefects". I was like "What?"
*jaw-dropping scene* The Bitches decided to be a prefect ? OmG. That is Such a Mockery for me Today.

Why I said that ? Because in my previous school, they were never ever a prefect. Cause my school choose the best students *without discipline records : a clean one* to be one. I never was a prefect cause I break the school rules way too many times.

Bad stuff Eryn did :
1) wearing nail polisher
2) didn't wear school socks (my school socks meaning socks with the School name on it)
3) brought CDs to school
4) talked during assembly
5) brought materials contains artiste photos
6) didn't finish my Add-Maths hw

I repeated the offences every once a month or so...lol. I was such a brat, during school hours. But was never a trouble maker in my class. So I was never in/or had troubles with the teachers. The only work I'll hand in late is Add-Maths. Don't we all hate Add-Maths ?

So I know them too well, I know what standard they're at. With such an attitude, they won't last long. Enjoy the Popularity for now girls. *Just Smile and Wave girls, just Smile and Wave* *grins*

After school today, I saw one of them sitting on the waiting area, sort of "stage" which owned by the community hall. She was talking to one of my friend.

So I asked her, "Where are you Darlings, Pad?"
She was blurr for 4 seconds (not that I actually counted that), and said
"Who are you talking about?"
"Who else?"
"Put and Shan".
"Oh they're not my darlings..."
"Oh they're not?" "Why is that? You hate them too?"
"No I don't, it's just I'm not that close with them"
"Ahh...I see"

Just as we ended the conversation. Poof ! The other remainding Bitches arrived.
Then the conversation resumed to action.

"So who are your Darlings Eryn?"
"Well everyone is, except You"... then I decided to giggle a little.
"I'm playing my dear"...trying to potray/stand my innocence.
She was like "I know I'm not"...trying to control her gesture, but I know she's angry.

Then the remainding Bitches bought Ice-Creams. Well indeed it was warm and sunny today.
One of them asked me, "You don't want some?"
The sarcastic mode in me wasn't awakened yet, I answered with a simple yet polite "No, its ok"

Then "Pad", the one I had the previous conversations with bought Ice-Cream too.
She asked me "You want some?"
Muahahaha. I answered "No, I don't eat cheap Ice-Creams"
She just walked off.

It's fun getting people irritated after knowing how they talk bad about you all these while. Well, truth hurts.
Always know that Reality is merely a Subconcious Painting honey.

But sometimes I wonder about them.
Why do you try so hard to fit in ? When you're made to stand out ?

True that?