:*: My Dream Car :*:

I want a Mazda RX-8 to go drifting with at Penchala Link, haha.

But I want it in black, with black leather seats and it must be automatic.

Picture me getting down my black RX-8 with my summer pink Ferragamo sunglasses.

Hot.

* I mean the car, I know I'm not Hot. Haha.



Short talks:
-Happy 18 months to Bakry.
-Going mamak for the first time for breakfast with Bakry tomorrow (we never go mamak for the past 18 months we known each other)
-Watching downloaded Narnia with him tomorrow.
-Planning what to do on Wednesday.
-Still deciding whether Thursday or Friday going to KLCC. Hope Tareeq's coming.
-X-mas coming and Holidays ending soon.
-New Year resolutions? (Still thinking)

:*: Updating is Fun :*:

Okay, so I haven't been writing entries. I've been busy. What Eryn? Been holidae-ing again? Actually, no. Lately I've been cornered by loads of homework. In fact, the past few weeks my days have been like this:
Class, Come home, Study/Homework, Sleep.

Repetitive? Boring? Yes, very. When your life is nothing but educational work it gets to a point where you really wonder why the hell you're doing all of it. Besides the fact that high grades get you into a fancy university. Why exactly do we "need" to know what we're studying? There's a shitload of useless information our brain memorizes from school.

So, what has my brain been up to lately? Nothing much really...well, maybe a big shift in my attitude towards emotions and how others feel.

Argh, a frightening thing happened yesterday. My broadband modem thingy died and I had to spend the day WITHOUT THE INTERNET, OH GOD NO. Ok well it wasn't that bad.

Eh... Sometimes, I really wonder why on earth I'm so attached to certain things in my life. It's silly, illogical, irrational and ultimately all it does is make me feel like crap. Then again, it does give me a sense of... completion? I don't know.

Senseless emotion rambles are so boring.

I ramble too much sometimes about things that will never have an end. There was no closure to that. There was never a conclusion, it was all just a silly ruse to avoid the problem again. Now, the problem continues to infest my mind and my heart weighs heavier day, after day, after day. Actually, to be more specific I've got two of these going on right now. What in the blazes am I suppose to do?

You know, I really don't understand some people in this world. That or I'm just getting a bunch of false messages from their actions. It's like "Hey what up, I'm going to shove on a mask even though thats what drove you away last time" or it was "Hi, I'm an insensitive and inconsiderate jerk."

I was watching a show downstairs with my parents. It was some lame chinese soap opera about a detective dude who seemed to be the chinese equivalent of Indiana Jones/ Sherlock Holmes who can kick royal kung fu ass.

Anyway, there's a cheesy love story in it (like all god-awful soap operas) and the woman who's supposively "in love" with Mr.Chinese-Sherlock-Holmes is so fucking complex and unreasonable.

I mean, she claims she loves him but she's almost always being such an inconsiderate wench. That and she loves to argue with him, I swear she never tries to understand what he's doing/saying or really try and make things work out when there's a problem. She had this whole "Oh this isn't working, forget it" attitude.

What the shizzle? If you want to be with them then show you do and put some effort into staying together. Instead of going all "Hey, we argue too much and we're not working out right now. Lets break up so we can both feel depressed for the rest of our lives."

Oh, there's a part I love about this series because it's so ironically stupid. The guy's going to die from an evil curse thing the next sunrise or something dumb like that and she gets all upset/depressed, cries and everything. So they spend that one day being all happy and what not. Then he dies. Then what happens? She becomes majorly depressed and thinks about him non-stop whilst crying herself to sleep every night or something.

It's like gee lady, kind of late now that he's dead don't you think? Miraculously, I don't know how but somehow he was revived about a week later, then they become a happy couple and what not.

Yay? No... about 2 episodes later (now) she gets all angry with him again and goes back to acting the way she was. Seriously, the guy should fake dying or something. *shakes head*

Anyway, it was funny when I was watching it with my parents at the dinner table. My dad and I were both basically like "What the hell? Why on earth did she just do that. Why do woman like to complicate things like that?" (Yes, my father and I agreed on something. Amazing.) Then my mom was like "I'm a woman and even I think shes really annoying/stupid. I mean, why does she always do this when she clearly loves him?"

That made my day. People like that really agitate me in a negative way. But you know who makes me even more annoyed? The detective guy. He's still madly in love with her for some odd reason. What an idiot eh?

Oh man, I hate myself.

Now for something completely different: I'm like, really tired of this. I regret it and well..I want to... blah, nevermind. It's too late for me to be forgiven now, it's too late for me to turn back .

I only wish you're happy now. I really hope this is working out... if it's not I'm so sorry, so, so, so sorry... again, I don't deserve forgiveness.

I know we shouldn't forget, it'd just be the same as running away huh?

That's never the answer but... I'm sorry.

:*: Saudi's Wedding :*:

Edric forwarded this to me.
* Pictures courtesy of Getty Images









Hope they didn't go home with the wrong wife.

:*: To the One I Missed :*:

I was at the airport,
The walls were white,
The glass windows were tinted,
and, standing aside.

I looked out the window,
You were coming home.

And as I gazed at the deep blue,
Thinking of you,
I wondered just how much,
You might have changed.

Excitement filled my heart,
The flutter was no longer there
and the fear was gone.

I had thought I was right, but I was wrong.
I couldn't wait to see you again.

Had it really been four months ?
I had been forever impatiently,
Waiting for your arrival,
Then finally,
I saw the airplane fly in.

I pressed my hands against the glass,
Hoping to catch a glimpse,
The people came out en mas...(or so it seemed)

Everyone came out,
But I could not find you.
You were nowhere to be found,
You were nowhere to be seen.

Not giving up hope,
I waited.

Slowly, my smile silently faded,
But I kept on waiting,
And I waited some more.

Across the room,
The clock meticulously ticked.

Every second ticking louder than the last,
Until finally, hurt and weakened,
The tears ran down my cheek,
and the tears..

Awoke me.


Short talk :

Just for thought.

Old loves can still be friends for two reasons:
1. They never really loved each other,
2. They love each other still.

True that?

:*: I love Billy Zulkarnain ! :*:

Haha, let heaven falls and the crows sings. But I love this album so much, call me a sucker for pathetic, melancholic Malay and Indonesian songs.

"Hati Terluka" video clip is just so CLASSIC. Black and White theme, with the guys in Suits and Fedoras.

Apparently guys with Fedoras and Guitars is a turn on to me.

Tee-Hee.

:*: Vagina vs Penis :*:

This is the post that I wanted to write on tuesday or was it wednesday, but who knows, I don't remember.

To start off, this has nothing to do with anyone specific, but I have heard some of the things that I am about to say several times in my life, and it kind of cheeses me off when I hear it.

Why is it that females when a relationship doesn't work as wanted, because a male isn't as mature as they wanted always call him a boy, and say I need to find a man. I mean, there could be a reason why you are attracted to boys, it might be because you are a girl, and not a woman.

I think that females have an idea in their brains that when they reach a certain age, they are automatically a woman. I have no idea when that age is. I think it is when they decide they need to get married. They decided immediately how the relationship is going to work and what it is that is going to happen every step of the way. And any deviation from that plan is the guys fault. Why, because they are the one with the plan.

They have seen all three types of Chick flicks, the "Surprise I Am Pretty Now" as well as the "Odd Twist Of Fate" and the "I Don't Need A Man, But I Married one Anyway." In these movies, women do nothing. So, I think that girls believe that a relationship is just going to work, annd they will just have to look pretty as everything works out for the better. The only problem that they might have is that the guy might not have found them yet.

So when they do not feel like the relaitonship is fulfilling, it is obviously due to the fact that they are dating a boy, and not a man.

When I hear this, I want to say, what the heck makes you a woman.

I have always learned that a relationship is two sided. That if it wasn't then it really wasn't a relationship.

Now, I understand that every female has a desire to be needed, and loved and wants to be treated like royalty by the person that they marry. I am not saying that you should not want that, nor do you not deserve it. What I am saying is that if you really want a relationship, and something isn't going well, you can do something. If having a relationship with that person is worth having, and you don't feel emotionally fulfilled, have you yourself let them know in some way that you want that. Now that is the part that has affected me so that is why I am using it as an example. It does not make a person immature if they do not fulfill needs that you are not letting them know you have. If you need something and are not getting it, yet you want a relationship with a person, it is immature to not try and get these needs fulfilled.

So really what I am saying is that girls think they are mature, much like boys might. But girls feel they deserve men, when really they don't know what it takes to have a man, or even a relationship.

Of course now that I have gotten myself in trouble by what I have said, I am ready to take some shots, so fire away.

:*: Emotions Taking Me Over :*:

"Dual Emotions" - Rita Loyd

I think that is my problem. I hate emotions. All of them. No doubt. I have told myself that any rational action must be completely void of any emotion, when really, the opposite is true. Some kind of emotion is necessary.

I should not be the basis, but should be present.

I learned a long time ago, that emotions lie. That is true. Emotions can make you think that something is true when it isn't. If you let them run you, then you will never be consistant. Of course, emotions can also tell the truth. Like if you are passionate about something, and you feel strongly about what you beilieve it invokes a responsible emotional response.

The problem is, the lies and the truth can be both positive and negative emotions. It requires rational thinking to differentiate. Of course rational thinking that is void of emotion is the other extreme. Reason, when dealing with emotional people, often does not make sense. So there is a fine line between what is proper emotion to behave, and times to be reserved.

I have been really introspective recently.

Why?

I do not know.

Perhaps what someone told me made me think more about myself. Oh well...

I guess that what I do is try to tell myself that my emotions don't exist, or that they are always not the right answer. I guess this is what is called suppressing. Of course this leads to outbursts. Then, I feel bad about letting my emotions control me, so I just end up being frustrated, which I think makes me worse.

Also, I tend to when I do express myself emotionally, people don't want to hear it or they start laughing. Apparently when I express myself, it never seems a very positive outcome.

I don't really have much more to say. But, I wish someone would show up at my door, and want to hang out.

So I could be around someone.

:*: Lost and Found :*:

Whoa.

The last time I've blogged was 31st October, Halloween Day. I got captured by some Hooligans and nearly being stewed to death, but I escaped myself today and here I am. Haha, ok. That was a pathetic start for someone who haven't been blogging for quite some time.

So...miss me ?

Frequent visitors of this "rantville-blog" of mine must have thought that I've broke up with my blog or something. My blog is my open decoy-diary, haha I could never leave her.

I was just busy enjoying my holiday. Those who knew me well sure knows that, once Eryn gets her Holiday, she'll do nothing but Holiday-ing. Haha.

Went out yesterday. Original plan was meeting up Tareeq for breakfast, then off to Bakry's house to visit his mum, who's on leave till tomorrow. But end up playing "hide and go seek and run away" for 2 hours infront of Rasta with Tareeq. Then got chased with a cab until Bakry's house. Ugh, long story. You wouldn't wanna know.

Called Aishah while hanging out in the park and the villa, only she knows why I'm so happy. Had chocolate fest with Tareeq. Ate too much of chocolate and end up hyper till the night. He bought me my favourite of Toblerone, and I repay his Toblerones with Cadbury Dairy Milk, which end up in my stomach too haha.

Off to see Tareeq again on Friday. Haha, can't wait.

As for now, here I am.

:*: Food for Thought :*:

Excerpt of my Yahoo Messenger conversations with Bakry:

- Miss Eryn -: hows berbuka
- LiL B -: ok
- LiL B -: not bad
- LiL B -: tengah makan now
- Miss Eryn -: me 2 hours lagi
- Miss Eryn -: waaaaa
- Miss Eryn -: at 6 im going out jap
- Miss Eryn -: beli food
- Miss Eryn -: makan apa
- LiL B -: ada
- LiL B -: nasi and chicken curry
- LiL B -: but the curry is thick curry
- LiL B -: urgh
- LiL B -: thick nyeerr
- Miss Eryn -: mesti tak sedap
- Miss Eryn -: eryn's curry lagi sedap kan ?
- LiL B -: u ada buat ke?
- Miss Eryn -: im alergic to curry la
- LiL B -: bukan ke
- Miss Eryn -: cannot smell curry
- LiL B -: u buat
- LiL B -: custard tak jadi?
- Miss Eryn -: mesti nose itchy
- Miss Eryn -: dont la remind
- LiL B -: lol
- Miss Eryn -: at least i did TRY to cook SOMETHING for you
- Miss Eryn -: bukan cam awak
- Miss Eryn -: telur pun dunno how to goreng
- LiL B -: please la
- LiL B -: i make the best
- LiL B -: scrambled eggs ok
- Miss Eryn -: scramble eggs
- Miss Eryn -: telur sunny side up awak tak tahu buat kan
- Miss Eryn -: awak buat mesti hancur
- Miss Eryn -: nyahahaha
- LiL B -: awak yang tak tahu
- LiL B -: cakap banyak
- Miss Eryn -: i tahu goreng telur ok

Haha, he remembered the time when I tried to do Corn Custard Pudding for him which turns out to be a very watery Corn Custard Pudding that ended up in the sink.

I'm suck at cooking, not like Aishah who's good at baking, and cooking. I'm so jealous of her. My standard of cooking is just enough to survive the day.

I miss Bakry, I miss the times we spent together. I miss the times when I tried to cook to impressed him, and end up getting food poisoning, haha ok..that was just a little bit exaggerating.

Oh Bakry, how I miss you and everything we've gone through.

:*: Happy Holidays Everybody :*:

Hey how's everyone ?

I hope everyone is alright. Sorry for not posting for weeks. I was kinda busy with life. Get too carried away with my freedom after finishing my exam which I did quite well. Yes, I know you missed me. Haha.

Finally holidays are here. Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya to everyone especially to my friends. Feel free to bank in "raya money" to my bank account. If you do wanna do that please make sure its more than 10 bucks, cause I'm pretty broke at the moment.

Holiday plans ?

I'll be off to Singapore for raya, cause that's where my hometown is. Then I'll be back to KL for few days, and off to langkawi from the 9th till 12th November with my cousins. This year decided to spend the holiday in the country itself because dad's busy with work.

Then I'll be back in KL, attending your house to collect my raya debts, haha joking. I have Biology assignments to do, I have to dissect a white mouse on the 12th and 13th December, ecology and herbarium projects. I'm stressed, but for now I wanna enjoy life and collect as much money I want.

So I hope everybody will have fun this holiday season. Feel free to call or text me cause I don't think I'll be online much for this coming week.

Take care people and please remember that I love you guys, so don't go hurt yourself over the holidays.

Sidenotes:
It seems like my semi-hiatus period would be extended a bit longer, sorry.