:*: I don't need a website to remember my Cliques :*:

Myspace is known for its popularity with online teens. But just because its popular doesn't mean its good. In fact Myspace is evil. Pure evil.

Because I'm feeling bored and ran out of ideas, I'm going to list reasons why Myspace should be sent to hell.

Cool New people
When logging in, Myspace greets you with pictures of random strangers. No they're not psychedelic stalkers, they're "Cool New People". Apparently Myspace thinks we want to be friends with child molesters.

Profile
No one needs to read your over-flashy and disorganized page. We don't need to know about your pointless life. Stop wasting your time updating your profile to make it look "perfect" when it was already doomed to begin with.

Profiles are also the gateway for Internet stalkers. Think of profiles as those big, flashy, Las Vegas style marquee signs. With flashy and pointless words everywhere, no wonder people are assaulted on Myspace. Your profiles practically say "Come in, its ok!".

Friend List
The friends list is the sole reason why Myspace exists. In my opinion, the friends list is highly inhumane. In Myspace, you are obligated to list your existing friends as an item or product of some sort. Adding them in your list like some crazed collector is the theme of this evil site. Funny thing is if you don't start treating your friends as products, they'll start getting mad. "Why haven't you added me yet, do you hate me or something?" I guess people do want to be treated as emotionless objects.

Top 8
Ah yes the infamous Top 8, one of the most hated aspects of Myspace. If collecting your friends wasn't bad enough, now you can label them as prized trophies. Problems arise once you have more than eight virtual friends. Friends in the Top 8 will glorify you and praise your kindness while the rest will feel resented at such a betrayal. You'll start getting flamed and your friends in real life will get pissed off because they aren't in your top 8 but a porn star is. Recently Myspace is able to view up to twenty-four friends at the same time now. Yay, we get a bigger trophy shelf now to objectify friends.

Comments
If anything can even come close to the heinous Friends list, it would be Comments. Someone needs to tell me what's the point of leaving a comment. Does "nice page" or "thx for the add" actually help you? No I don't think so, and neither does spamming smilies and those animated GIF's. I doubt comments were created for "commenting" because now they're mostly used to talk about personal lives. Well we don't need to know about how you think your face is ugly or what you were doing last night in bed. These conversations don't belong in a public website that millions around the world can view. They should remain in instant messaging, the phone, or even better, Real Life.

Popularity
Some users want to be friends with "cool" people in their school. These pitiful myspace users are stuck in the illusion that cool people actually log on to myspace. These loners think that by adding them, their popularity will go up. These desperate myspace users think they're popular now just because some lame user added them. They can't be friends with the cool kids in real life so they add them in some fake virtual online page. Yeah they're that desperate. Contrary to popular belief, adding celebrities and porn stars doesn't increase your status in society either. Frankly, it lowers it. Saying "your a frekin hawt babe" won't win over anyone of the opposite gender.

So that's my list of why Myspace sucks. Now that you know that Myspace is only for petty flirting, wannabes, and emos, get off and start living a real life. Instead of torturing yourself from the lack of comments, go and find a more productive and less evil hobby.

Thinking back, I wasted my time that night at May's house opening a new account on Friendster, cause my old one was a history.

:*: That's "my T"-shirt you Asshole :*:

Hey ever want a personalised T-shirt? Check this website out.
My T


By the way.

"Never assume. It makes an ASS out of U and ME"

Saw this on some website.

Tacky ain't it?

:*: People Under The Pillow :*:

I'm sure aren't dumb
No ones there to tuck you in tonight
Its not easy to be bold
When you're in doubt
Right now
I just feel like we're oceans apart
I'm not sure about it at all that your gone
And I can't believe I'm wrong to touch you
Can't believe I'm wasting the moment in your room
Am I alive?
Well I can't believe I'm wrong to touch you
Can't believe I'm only wasting blowing up my eyes
My days are colder
Cause I can't tell you whats wrong

:*: Your Hand In Mine :*:

So how has it been going? This week has been very eventful with plenty of things going on for me. I really enjoy getting older. While many women usually hate seeing the digits increase, I seem to revel in ageing because it makes me feel all grown up and hopefully, I will become an adult someday.

I am comfortable being where I am physically. No more fad diets, screaming at the weighing machine, avoiding all my favourite foods and feeling body conscious anymore. Jiggly belly? Cellulite? Nah, they don't bug me anymore. Why cry foul at something that will waste away when you die anyway? Body image is probably one of the biggest, most hyped up lies ever told in the history of mankind in my opinion. Live an active lifestyle, eat right and everything will go fine.

I am comfortable being where I am mentally. I used to give myself plenty of flak for not reading enough, for not being able to use difficult words that most people don't know the meaning of. I used to rue not fully mastering subjects that interest me, such as languages, art and music. However, screw it all.. I understand smatterings of different languages that can be useful to me as a tourist. I have made stuff for school and for fun before. So even if I don't master them entirely, at least I can say, "Been there, done that, took the photograph and bought the t-shirt." Perhaps one day I may decided to pursue on with my studies to the highest level as possible, but I have a feeling that I am pretty much done with books.

I am comfortable being where I am spiritually.I realised that I wasn't honest with God, the people around me and myself. I am a spiritually lazy arse by nature. I don't pray, well I still do occasionally and it is hardly ever when I am in trouble by the way. I have never renounced God or faith. I used to be so conflicted in the past that it brought about depression (yeah who knew that a Supreme Being can cause you to go crazy like that), among other things of course. But after plenty of resolve, I decided to be true to myself and I am happier for it. I still am in conflict sometimes, but that is only with the parental unit, who is deeply religious and think me as a backslider and who never fails to pray loudly almost every night for the redemption of my soul.

I am comfortable being where I am socially. Last year and this year has simply been the best years for social engagements. Thanks to blogging, I found myself meeting really cool people - too many to mention, which still astounds me to this day. The friendships that I have had all along grew, as new ones were made. Though I am poorer for it, the experiences and friendships forged along the way have been worthwhile. But above all, one particular friendship from those adventures grew into love and what more can a girl want really?

Turning 19 couldn't have been better and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way than just being me.

And as I was talking to Kevin on msn just now, he told me on how his friend got bang on the net for writing something which was sort of contains racism on her blog.

Well I think, having a blog can be liberating. You type in your feelings and thoughts, but having a blog doesn't automatically give you the right to be disrespectful, throw entire caution to the wind, etc because a blog is public. People read blogs and chances are people read the thoughts you painstakingly type out and post too.

The recent events of racist bloggers and the subsequent uproar over freedom of speech and bloggers fearing they will be next because they think what they write may be used against them in the court of law astounds me. Firstly, if you have not posted anything remotely seditious, why are you quaking in your pants? If you have not defamed anyone why do you fear a lawsuit? If you understand firstly that your blog is public (for those of you who think otherwise, I suggest going back to regular pen and paper) and people read it, you will know that you are responsible for what you say because those words belong to you.

Like it or not, people form opinions about things they read online or offline. A blog may be personal, but in the public sphere, it becomes an information gateway for readers to absorb information that you choose to release. In this case, the two people who were charged with sedition probably didn't think they would be caught because they were either of the view that it is the web and it is freedom of speech, or they think they can be anonymous (anonymity is a huge myth on the web) and lastly and possibly they are racists whose views are so skewed, it doesn't really matter to them because they think they are absolutely right.

So the gist of it is responsibility. Of course responsibility is in itself subjective as what is responsible to me may not be the same for you and vice versa. But I think the universal consensus is that if it doesn't cause anyone grievous physical, emotional and mental hurt, you are generally responsible (note I use the word grevious as I beleive whatever anyone says will hurt a person in one way or another, but what is important is the degree of infliction). People may say that being responsible in itself is self-censorship. I think not. Being responsible about what you blog doesn't take away the message, just the juicy sensational bits.

If I chose to talk about hating someone, I can go on without naming the person, describing the person and much less point out the colour of his skin. If I am upset with a person for say, poor services, what good does it do for me to point out his ethnicity (doing so just means that I am stooping so low without any personal integrity and having the audacity to be angry at someone for something he can't change, i.e., his race), when perhaps the reason why he is so bad at his job is because he isn't motivated enough or maybe because he is having a bad day or maybe even it's because I suck as a customer and was giving him bad vibes or being a total arsehole.

No one is an angel. People who may not be racist may be prone to bouts of prejudice on occasions (there is a difference between prejudice and discrimination). Sad to say that perceptions and stereotyping exists because of this wonderful synapses in our brains. We can condition ourselves to be tolerant, not care or simply try to be friends with people of all races, but some things cannot be changed because they are too etched into our belief system* for us to change them all in a lifetime (by the way, while we are on this topic, isn't preference for a particular race also considered as a form of racism?) The only thing we can do is when we catch ourselves thinking thoughts we ought to keep to ourselves, we ought to keep it to ourselves and not go telling the whole world about them.

Romp sent me an instrumental song, Your Hand In Mine by Explosions In The Sky. Pretty neat song. Calms me down, after I went ballistic with my boyfriend Bakry just now for some turd reasons. Just need to put it on blog for everybody to hear. Close your eyes and feel it...

Romp says:
tell me how it is alright?

Miss Eryn says:
no singing?

Miss Eryn says:
lol

Romp says:
nope its instrumental la

Romp says:
just close ur eyes and feel it

Miss Eryn says:
feel what

Miss Eryn says:
lol

Miss Eryn says:
that sounds pervertish

Miss Eryn says:
lol

*(after few mins)*

Miss Eryn says:
its lovely.


Thats the word.

Lovely.

:*: This is Me :*:

I am someone who is searching for someone whom I can rest on for life.

Some may say that for a 19 year old girl to think like that, it would be too fast. But what's wrong with it? Mainly because I am tired and do not wish to have anymore hurts in life. I had few bfs before. But they were all not honest. It kind of makes me tired and sick after having so many times of 'coincidence' of these kind of things.

I don't believe in love at first sight. How long can it last when he/she only sees your appearance and not your inner 'appearance'?

Some last for long, some do not. So usually I don't take the risk. I'm tired, remember? But currently I am attached with one guy. He seems quite good to me. But I am not very confident how long this will last. Maybe one month only? Maybe two weeks only? Only God knows.

So far 2 years.

But I just hope that it would last no matter what. Who would want to have a heart break? But still I'll try my best.

I have good friends. But I choose only the best out of the ones I have now. Its difficult to choose friends among so many people in this world. The friends I have can be large or small depending on how you see.

I can be very good or very bad to friends. Because I want to protect myself from being hurt or used by those unworthy friends whom I call them. But I am contented having Aishah and May Lee as my friend.

Because I know they are people who will not make use of me and be there when I need them.

And similarly, I would be there for them whenever they have a problem.

I am currently studying in a boring school where its especially hard to pass for every subjects.

Have been in Malaysia from 1987.

The things I like doing the most is staying at home.

Things I want the most is to be able to get into university.

I am called Eryn.

.~::*Beautiful Disaster*::~.

Hey sweethearts! I'm filling in for Eryn today since she's unavailable (or just lazy) *giggles*. It's the continuation for 'Candy Floss of Lullabies.'

Go check out MY blogs here (Phatrambles) and here (Project Aries) for some really awesome rambles and eqully awesome short stories. Love much!
-Aishah Roose a.k.a Phat Sha-
____________________________________________________________

The light at the end of the tunnel, as I have heard people say, was bright and resilient. It held the feeling of hope and freedom contrary to the light in front of me which was dark and bleak. As I moved towards it I felt remorse and fear. I watched as my life flashed by me like a cliche in a bad movie.

This can't be happening to me! I thought as I was being sucked into the dark hole, I haven't done anything to deserve this!

I could hear my voice screaming at the top of my lungs but my mouth didn't move. I felt my spirit, my soul, weak and exhausted from the eternal struggle and I begin to let go. It was not a nice thing to do, this letting-go business, it points out how mindless a person can become just to get rid of pain and suffering. I wished for streangth. The light in front of me became too bright and I begin to disappear.

I hear screaming in the background of my eternity. Wait. Screaming? Am I in hell? And why does my leg feel like it's been pulled apart? Finally, when I finally open my eyes I'm greeted by the ground a few stories below me, staring at me in malice, beckoning me to come forward and land in solace. What a lie. A lie made for those weak minded individuals.

That is not what I am! I screamed to myself, I WILL NOT BE THAT PERSON! That child will not govern my life. The insignificant child. Nagging and nagging at me, telling me how pathetic I am, how pathetic my life is… never again.

A heave-ho came from the balcony I was hanging over and I was pulled back in. As I lay sprawled across the floor I realized how much I was in. My leg hurt, my back hurt and I have a headache. I hope I am strong enough at will to never go through that again. Life is tough but my will and heart is tougher. That would be my life's credo. As for that child that turns my heart weak and black, I killed her. I pushed her off the balcony and laughed at her as she fell into the ground never to be seen again.


** Hey I just read the post, it was great. I wanna make a very short shout out to my boyfriend Bakry, for his birthday although its still a long way to go (21st July).Because I don't have time to go online much nowadays. Happy 23rd birthday my boosuk. Hope you'll like my birthday present I bought for you. Sorry can't blog much, I have things to do for now.

Love ya my Comel.

Miss Eryn

:*: 19 year old Confessions/Confusions :*:

Confusion sets in as I turned 19 yesterday.

So have you ever been really lost when it came to your future?
Were you want to live?
What you want to be?
If your going to be married?
Have kids?
Were you want to work?
Will you have any of the friends you do now?

Well thats were my head is.

Looking forward...

I am planning on continuing to pursue my degree in Medicine and maybe living somewhere in Kay-Elle but not sure about that plan yet... hope to get married and have kids but first I have to find myself a man, which I already did. I hope to have some of my friends from now, keep in touch...but you never know things can change in an instant. I learned that one already...

Looking back...

I sometimes wish that some of the friendships I had in high school hadn't gone sour and been lost along the way. I sometimes wish I did things different and thought things through before I acted, I wish I wouldn't have lied, told people things I shouldn't have, but I guess we learn as we go and I have changed a lot since then, more than most would think. I believe all people change in their lives from the experiences they have and well I have and probably will continue to learn for the rest of my live. So I would like to apologize to all those I hurt, pissed off and/or lied to, I would also like to thank all those who helped me learn and change for the better...

Looking at the present...

So the thinking goes on and hopes that I will take the right roads to my future comtinue to set in my mind. But I am going to continue to like the place I am in (no matter how much I complain) and live life to the fullest as we all should. I am going to keep my head high and not let negative people take me down. So I am going to go and will be back to talk later...


Signing out for now,
Your future KL Democrat Doctor.

But I'm still think I'm a Liberal.

:*: Candy floss of Lullabies :*:

I scream as my pen knife leaves another dirty, deep cut on my wrist. Yet the pain soothes my fragile body. Seventeen cuts. And counting.

How many more am I going to make? I don't know. I don't think I care. I cry a little bit more. Anger rises as I am pouring crimson regrets and betrayal. I throw the pink swiss army knife Abby gave to me for my twelfth birthday into the sink. I feel disgusted. I feel used. I spit on the floor.

The sight of my blood takes a hold of me for a second or two. I always scored a distinction for Biology and I knew that there was way too much blood flowing from my body, seeping through the cracks of the toilet tiles. This routine's getting old.

"Hi Eryn! Gosh, I missed you!" I hugged my boyfriend Bakry, leaving a linger of my Paris Hilton perfume on his body. But he himself smelt good, like freshly-baked croissants. Then I noticed: he had that look. That look I knew so well ever since he showed up one Saturday afternoon and assured me that I deserved better and that everything was going to turn out all right.

But that a while ago. He changed. He moved on. I didn't. I wouldn't - because my body simply refused to do so. He was my first serious love and I wanted him to be the only one, more than anything else. Absolutely pathetic.

"Bakry! Bakry, look!" I gushed. "Butterflies!" They flew around us. We giggled with joy as Bakry held me up and tickled my tummy. I loved it when he did that. We looked happy. Just like a dream couple on Oprah's magazine.

I woke up with a pang of dizziness so sharp that it felt like I had been hit with a teflon frying pan on the head. My limbs got hold of themselves and I stared at my body in front of the mirror. I resembled Wednesday from Addam's family, just worse. The bags under my eyes reflected a troubled person, who had spent nights crying, unable to sleep. Oh well. Stila make-up does wonders.

I stay in my bathroom a little while longer. My housemaid, never cleans well. So I cleared everything carefully, making surenot to leave stains. I have a warm shower to wash these cuts, put on a new sweater to hide them and practice the smile people expect to see when they talk to me.

My body finally gives up on me. Black out. Here I go again. My eyelids struggle to open. The bright light from afar blinds me. Hospital lights. When I get my eyes to focus, I noticed that they have my wrists bandaged. Ahhh, they always do that. The last time I was here, they stitched it up too. I shrug.

A girl my age is sobbing , hugging her knees, on the bed to my right. She is looking into a compact mirror, touching her face, dissapointed. She turns to a page on entertainment. Page 10. Lindsay's Lohan Maxim photoshoot, it seems. She was photographed half naked, almost beautifully, showing the world what she had to offer. Showing tormented 17 year olds what they could not have. The girl then tears the picture of her icon to bits and screams into her pillow.

Shivering, I stand up and drag myself to the open window. It's a quiet night. A peaceful night, indeed. I am more than a couple stories above ground, witnessing an amazing view of the neon city lights, feeling the warm and calm wind. I have never felt more beautiful in my life.

And then...without hesitation...facing the sky and the midnight stars...

I die.

:*: Are You Afraid of Death ? :*:

You know when you have those mental outbreaks and you think your life sucks and there's nothing to live for?

Well I just had one about 2 hours ago and to be honest I didn't really hate it or anything. All of it was just so true to me.My life, at the moment, is a completely worthless. I have no future and my present sucks, or at least thats what I think. To better understand where I am coming from lets have a review of my life.

Social Life:
Ok, Eryn basically has close friends whatsoever. My wonderfully loved "sister", May whom I'll never forget. She's a lot more important than she'll ever know, but anyway, other than her I'm not significant enough to actually hurt a lot of people when I die. Oh sure, you guys will mourn over my death if I was to suddenly die right now, here on the spot but time will pass and you'll move on without a big problem. This is simple because I'm NOT important to many people at all. Don't give me that "Oh Eryn! I care about you!" bullshit. No seriously, for those of you whom I rarely talk to and just "know" don't act like I'm very important and say all this caring crap because it'll just make me feel worse. I know who I'm close to and the people who barely know me/interact with me. If I died, no one would really care, period.

Family:
My family hated me. Now they've molded me to a angst filled teenager who will never appreciate what her family does for her. My dad might be a total inconsiderate jerk when it comes to my opinions and emotions but he works his ass off making money so I can have all the luxuries in my home. My mother, whom only expects high grades from me and doesn't care much about anything else does so much to try and please me, she does so much, yet I just brush it off saying she doesn't love me because it's all material happiness. Well news flash for you Eryn, maybe thats the only way that she knows to express her love because she grew up in poverty in some little house in Singapore. I'm an ungrateful daughter who takes her parent's care for granted.

Love:
I'm not going to even go here. For some odd reason things are always "not meant to be" yet I defy reality and try to go against it hoping to win.

Usually I'm awfully sad when I type these self-reflections about myself. But you know what? I'm absoluetly fine right now. I figured, there's 2 kinds of people who're not afraid of dying in this world.

First, the ones who've accomplished everything they wanted and believe their life has served it's purpose and secondly, those people who have nothing to lose and are only living because of a strand of hope.

Hoping for the chance to live a life that they'd actually love. So with basically with a certainty of nothing to gain and nothing to lose, they don't really care whether they died or not. I can honestly say, I'm not afraid of death right now. No, it's not like I want to die but I don't really feel like living either.

So if some murder dude came here and sliced my head off I wouldn't be too scared, except maybe for the pain. Ok better example, if I knew I'd die in my sleep tonight, I'd go to sleep.

I'm sick and tired of life.

:*: Turn on Channel 16th on Astro this 30th Dec :*:

Just a reminder:

As we know Blast Off! the talent show for unsigned bands and groups are back !

My friend Naqib from Three Flow and Dj Chaos from Colab8 are running for the Vocal Group competition.

Please vote for them.

If you love me please do, hehe.



Three Flow with Naqib (center)


Three Flow

Check out their music on their official site:
Three Flow





Chaos (left) with his group Colabr8

Check out their music on their official site:
Colabr8

All you got to do is using your mobile phone, type in VOCAL >space<group name(3FLOW/COLABR8) and SMS to 32888.

Each SMS is chargeable at RM0.50.
Fixed line : Dial 13713, then press 0 (3 flow)
Fixed line : Dial 13713, then press 2 (Colabra8)

For more info please log on to Blast Off!