You really had me going.

Wonderful by Everclear. The song just kept on playing in my head today. Had a hard time last night, where I felt unstable and really want to die. Cried until I could really feel my lungs dried out, twisted and punctured? Sounds pathetic, but well thats what I felt yesterday. I think I lost like 2 litres of water from my body yesterday as I cried. Okay, that was a bit exaggerating. But then everyone who heard me crying and wailing like a 3 year old kid yesterday would be please to put me in the car and send me off to an asylum.

I don't believe you when you say

Everything will be wonderful someday

Of course I would feel that if heartbreaks was just right in front of my very eyes. I didn't know how could someone be so heartless all the sudden after everything you went through with them and for them. But then again, sometimes life is not all sweet and candy sometimes you have to swim through a pool of apple cider vinegar with your eyes open and a bleeding leg to know what pain is.


I wished I could see the pain I'm going through. At least I though if I could actually see them, probably it wouldn't hurt so bad as I thought it would be. Like getting yourself a flesh wound. Few days later you'll get a scab, eventually it will dry off and left you with a scar. W told me to get a grip of myself. V kept asking me what's wrong? C told me to grab a beer and a box of cigarettes. Z told me to not cry anymore because I am making her crying as well. 


Everyone keep telling me what to do, but they don't know whats wrong in the first place. I wished things were not as complicated, wished it was like popping some microwavable pizza and 10 minutes later you have a cheap pleasant dinner. Wished it was as easy as changing a flat tire. 


Well changing a flat tire is not that easy for me but at least it came with a manual. 


I don't need people to feel sorry for me. I just wanted the truth, because I think I did enough to show that I was willing to give and sacrifice. I want things to go back to normal. I want to be the reason why I was there in the first place in the whole situation. Wished someone could actually understand my situation and not just talk cock with me and picked up some lines off self-motivation book or worst still lines from the yellow-for-dummies book.


I don't know if that someone is reading this but please stop doing this to me. I don't deserve this. Everyone is telling me to leave it, but I don't want to. I won't leave it now or ever and never will do that. Why waste when theres answer to our problem? All we need to do is sit, talk and sort things out. I could be very understanding if you want me to, but please stop driving me crazy. At least drop me an email if other means of communications are not allowed. You know how to contact me. I have 3 emails, 1 Facebook, 2 Messengers and 1 active cell-phone number. Take your pick. Please don't make me put words inside your mouth. You're the older one, I've trusted you and I am still trusting you no matter what the outcome of our problem.


I am not mad at you. I've becoming like this is because I care. You out of all people would have known better.


So please stop telling me everything will be wonderful now. 


Short notes:

Dear LJY, I am very sorry of whatever I've stated in my previous post. I did mention the next morning that maybe I over-reacted. Things are not going so well for me lately. Shall we call it truce? I'm tired of arguing with you or anyone. The problem I am having now is already unbearable for me and choking up every single breath I have and I don't want to die knowing someone else out there is unhappy with me.

I am not talking to him anymore in all means of communication, except for yesterday where I had to call him and few other people because I do not know who else to turn to. If only you knew what I'm going through you'll understand how tough has it been lately for me. But I am not using that as an excuse for being mad. You could go ahead and make fun of my misery as well if it makes you happy. I think we're even now.

Please forgive me.

I hope you do.

Maybe come what may.

I am tired.

Of pain, anger, confusion that I am having. In the previous post, I stated that good things comes to those who wait. Starting not to believe in that crap as I've been waiting and tired of being on the waiting list. Hoping miracles to happen sooner or later before I start to give up hope on this whole emotion-devotion-clarification-tug feeling.

Is general incivility the very essence of love?

Ruba told me I must have a very strong heart since its been breaking so many uncountable times. I don't think my heart is that strong, as it hurts when I do cry. Could like literally feel the blood going through the seeping cracks of my heart. 

Right now I'm trying to think positive and stay strong even though my heart feels heavy and sometimes I can't breathe. How do you feel dead but breathing at the same time? 

Confusion is nothing new.

I hope everything would be wonderful someday.

In the midst of confusion of everything thats going on dysfunctional mode lately somehow I was amazed about something else too. My sister Anis, texted me on the phone saying my mum was asking me what am I doing. Told her I was out and about doing some work. She said my another sister Eleanor, told my mum I was out dating with my bf. Then my mum replied:

"Dating?...But the house is not ready yet for him to come and propose your sister..."

How ready could we prepare the house for the guy's family to come over and ask my hand in marriage? My mum is just so funny at times. She's been so open about marriage lately although she knew I would only settle down around the age of 28. With the rate of heartbreaks and delayed devotion I might not even get married I think.

Starting to embrace the "maybe come what may" attitude. 

As quoted from my Facebook profile, "Really wonder why on earth she's so attached to certain things in her life. It's silly, illogical, irrational and ultimately all it does is make her feel like crap. Then again, it does give her a sense of...completion."

I am a fool in Love. Enough said.

Short notes:

Happy Maal-Hijrah to all the Muslims in the whole enchilada Muslim community. Saw everyone posted that on Facebook, the funny thing is tonight some of them are going out clubbing celebrating something else apparently and some are out and about looking out for chicks. Oh well, humans. We're just merely a puppet show at times. Not that I actually do anything to celebrate Maal-Hijrah. At least I am not hypocrite about it.

Need to find my Tree of Souls

I just got back from watching Avatar. It was amazing. Avatar is the story of an ex-Marine who finds himself thrust into hostilities on an alien planet filled with exotic life forms. As an Avatar, a human mind in an alien body, he finds himself torn between two worlds, in a desperate fight for his own survival and that of the indigenous people. Avatar has one thing in common like District 9 which involves human and the alien race, but the story is not confusing, well-plotted and I actually get the whole picture of the story without suffering from minor head-floating of dizziness. If anyone feel like they're up for a movie to spend their weekend, I reckon Avatar with 10 little pudgy fingers up. It seems like I couldn't get off the whole pudgy issue out of my mind yet. 

By the way I had an adventure of my own, before I could lay eyes on the movie itself. Browsed both TGV and GSC for movie tickets yesterday night and ended up feeling disappointed as all were reserved and even the pay online section was full. Messaged my friend, telling that there might be no chance of us watching the movie, but he said "Why not we just gamble and see if there are tickets?"..."Not all would end up collecting them, trust me"...then he said something funny :

"There would be couples who reserved but then ended up argueing or some shitty thing came up and they're just not in the mood to watch them."

Oh sheesh. He was just so positive about it. So I was like, oh yeah...what the heck. What harm could it do me for trying right? I was like okay. Let's do this. Usually, I would just give up and wait for the movie to run a few days before I actually go and see them. But today it was just different. Probably the Avatar trailer did managed to lure me into watching it after all.

Then around noon, another friend of mine called asking what I was doing and said he's on the way to buy tickets to watch Avatar. Few minutes later he told me that it was all sold out. I told him I did checked it online and it was fully booked and sold. I started to give up hopes and felt like cancelling the movie plan instead.

Cut short the story, we did go to the mall and check out the tickets. Only left 6 reserved tickets. I was like 6?! What makes me think I would be the lucky one to get to buy the reserved tickets? What are the chances of the people of not coming? The show is at 12am, and the guy at the counter said he could only let the reserved tickets go around 11.30pm. It was 10pm that time, so I was like okay I'll just go for dinner first as all I had was coffee and biscuits from morning. Had noodles at Penang Village. I love their Cantonese Hor Fun, that would be my main dish every time I go to Penang Village. But today I was being a dinky-dong and decided to other some seafood noodle and it tastes like crap. Literally. To my amazement, the only seafood thing about the noodle was the 2 piece of shrimp in it, the others were all chicken. Didn't know chicken was considered a seafood. Next time I want to look for chicken that lives in the water when I visit Penang. Dear Safwan from Penang, please clarify this.

After dinner, went back up to the cinema and sheepishly showed our face at the counter. The guy said wait for 10 more mins, we waited. Then we approached the counter he said there is 1 more minute. So to kill the time, we talked about crappy stuff and he wanted something else in return because I was so desperate to watch the movie. He printed out the tickets and pass me a pen and a paper. I actually wrote my number on it.

My friend was like "You actually wrote your real number?". I was like "Yeah, he helped us out, I was just being nice". After all I could block phone calls from my phone, so I don't care much.

While waiting for the turn to get into the cinema hall, someone message me asking me out to watch Avatar tomorrow since its the public holiday. I was like "Sorry in few minutes time I would be watching it..." Then he said, "Okay, I'll just download it then..." and hung up the phone. I really hate it when someone just hang up the phone in an abruptly manner. That is just so rude.

I was all happy when the movie started. Like yeah, finally after what I went through to get the tickets. Well good things come to those who wait. Everything was okay, until 30mins later I received a text message from that someone saying "I was looking forward to watch Avatar with you bla bla bla".."I got friend in Pavilion who could reserved tickets for us bla bla bla"..."But you went off with your own plans..""I am not mad at you, just that many of my plans lately seems gone to drain..." - Well thats like the excerpt of what I remembered, as I deleted them off after I read them.

If you think having friend who could like hook up movie tickets for us would impressed me, you're so wrong. Theres a lot of ways for me to get them without anybody's help. I could even ask my dad to buy off the cinema if I want to

So it did ruined my mood to watch movie for a while, but then thanks to my friend I was up and about to normal. Overall, I enjoyed Avatar. Although throughout the 2 hours 45 minutes movie I was bothered with this aunty and her popcorns beside me. I hate it when people become inconsiderate and talk out loud while watching movie. I am not in the mood to talk about her and explain what she did in this blog. Honestly, I am not in the mood of blogging this neither. That is why this post is so crappy. Starting to feel tired, going to hit the sack now.

Later alligators.

(Started writing this post around 4.21 am and now it is 6.54am, sheesh and all I wrote was crap)

Short notes:

If only Eywa exists, I would have want to read Checimy's heart and understand the whole situation that's been hurting me. I miss you love.

Probably.

Probably I over-reacted yesterday night.

Probably it wasn't about me at all. But it totally sounds like me she's referring to.

I don't really give a damn neither. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion literally. Just that I prefer if they do have issues with me, please do tell straight to my face instead of bitching it elsewhere. Don't like people to have the wrong image of Eryn Azrin. As my name don't just carry the owner of the name but also my family as well.

Today is a very gloomy day. Not just the weather, but I am all gloomy inside too. What Safuan told me yesterday made sense. Maybe it is time for me to take a chill pill and wait for the rainbow and unicorns to flag down my sadness. Probably nibble on some mushrooms to kill the pain. Stir fry mushrooms and grass sounds yummy, anyone? Okay, enough of the happy-grass talk. Don't want to be labelled as junkie in some people's blog later.

Oh, sarcasm feels so good at this moment.

Step one to strike out sadness. I am going to watch Avatar tonight. Tickets are all fully booked, even at the most lousiest cinema you could name of in town. Hope there is luck getting tickets. Read the review after it was released in the States and everyone said it was worth the dime and penny you have.

Weekends?

I don't really have a fixed plan. I am more the type of whatever will be will be person. Probably going to watch a drift competition in Seri Kembangan, probably entertain myself with the CosmicSpaceMunkys, probably going to Sunway Pyramid for shopping.

I used a lot of "probably" in my blog today.

Sometimes we could just plan so much but in the end it would end up to probability-ness that something is going to happen or ought to happen right?

This is the part where someone would quote me up saying that I've planned so much, and now it is killing me because things are not going my way. I don't want things to go my way. That is selfish.

I want things to go our way, where both of us equally agree and happy with each other's thoughts and decisions. Well technically we could never be equally agree on something, because sometimes we need to give in to some circumstances in order to be happy with both sides.

Right now things are not all sweet and dandy because I haven't heard from his side. So till then I could not have sort of check and balance in this whole emotion-anger-clarification-tug thing. Darn. I am so good at coming up with new terms every time I write something.

Oh yeah, someone left a comment one of my previous post asking whether I am in love and what made me come back after 3 long-ass donkey years.

I forgotten to answer whether I am in love question. Since I remembered, let me just answer his/her question here.

Yes. I am in love. Currently in a relationship. But Facebook status says I am single due to some privacy reason I may not include here. That doesn't mean I am lying to my partner. He knows why, and he prefers it to be that way too.

Alright, it is about time I end this post. Couldn't remember what time I started this post, lost track of the time, was typing this while doing laundry. Already hung the clothes up too.

Will blog on Avatar, when I get back from movies tonight. Later, alligators.

Short notes:

Nothing gets me by like fresh-flowery-buds smelling clothes out of the washing machine. Could call me a laundry freak too, because sometimes when I run out of things to wash, I'll start taking off the curtain or whatever cloth material thing I could get in my room and "pop it lock it polka dot it" in the washing machine. 

I am in the pursuit of Happ[y]ness with a Y.

I hate your Girlfriend

Just came back from work, had my dinner and drenched myself in cold shower. I love shampooing my hair  with shampoo that smells like beer. It is just so yummy. As I've promised, I would be blogging on what happened by the lake today. Well for a start, it was raining hell-a-lovely before I actually reached the lake. Decided to leave home a little bit early to go withdraw some money from the ATM, and head up for a late lunch. Contemplating between Chicken Porridge from Mc'D or whipped potato from KFC. But in the end I had noodles instead at some cheap-ass eatery.

Tick-tock kill the time by talking with someone. By 5.30pm Safuan arrived and then we head up straight to the Shah Alam lake. Supposedly do some promoting for the Adination Running Team Registration by Adidas, but then the rain took over so we just chilled and talked and smoke. Well Safuan did the smoking part, while I'm being the passive smoker.

The rain stopped so we decided to head home.

As usual, turned on my laptop and Facebook would automatically load up for me in my wonderful flowery buds decorated Google Chrome. Kudos to Caroline Gardner for the magnificent theme that just made me love Google Chrome more than any other browsers. YouTube loads faster with Google Chrome too in my opinion or maybe it was just my HSDPA connection. *Smiles gleemingly when it comes to high speed internet*

No, I am not going to talk about Google Chrome nor promoting it. But yeah, you guys could give it a try and download it if you want to.

What I want to talk about tonight is what I do every time I get online.

First routine, well more like a ritual to me,  is to load up the news website. My favorite is The Star Online. Next, I'll move on to the gossip zone at Socialitelife. I'll spend at least 30 minutes to read up. While reading I'll keep a tab on Facebook, and see what's everyone is up to. If I think I should have a hearsay in whatever they  post or discussing on I'll drop down a comment or two, and sometimes comments turn into conversation.

So let me quote off from someone's blog  "so long as I can fill my time with something rather than idling in front of the computer every day. Unlike someone, I don't wanna waste my time sitting here waiting to be the first to comment on some people's status updates..."

I know she's talking about me. 

To whom it may concern, even if my Facebook says I'm actively online doesn't mean I am there because I set the page to reload by itself every 15 minutes. My laptop is on for almost 24hours everyday and sleep when it wants to.

Secondly, it just happened that every time I comment on that particular person status I would be the first as no one else comments his status updates. Probably they don't understand what he talks about or they just don't give a damn.

You're just making an issue out of it because that particular person that you referred to as some people is your boyfriend.

I hate chicks like these who make issues out of nothing. 

Thirdly let me quote something else off her blog too,  "and to you little pudgy missie, it's nice to see u active again. thanks very much for ruining everything. i know i was wrong in some ways, but you contributed much too. fair enough, when you meet your partner i hope he treats you the way "you like it" and i hope you can be so "accepting" about it."

I ruined everything?

You guys had problem even before I was in the picture. Is it my fault for accepting him as one of my close friend?

Just so you know I do have a boyfriend, and he's not a control freak like you do.  He trust me with my guy friends as much as I do trust him with his girl friends.  I could go watch movie one-on-one with a guy without him worrying about me.  As he knows I'm all grown up and wise enough to make decision on what is right and wrong. You don't know me in person yet you are making assumptions of my relationship with him as friends.  So what the fuck is wrong with you? 

You guys are not even married yet.

It's you who have to work the whole trust-issue thing with him.

I don't see your relationship is going anywhere with him. 

By the way, I don't mind being called pudgy. At least I'm not a control freak, nonsensical, absurd person like you. That just show what kind of person are you for acknowledging someone pudgy when you haven't even met her.  

I can't believe myself I actually stood up for him when they argue and he didn't even said thank you. This is what I got for being nice.

Should care less next time.

Till then you owe me an apology, because I am tired of saying sorry to you.

Short notes:

It is the holiday season, so the laptop is on 24/7 as this is the easiest way to keep in touch with everyone. Even people in the office nowadays kill their spare time with Facebook. So why don't you see the other side of it instead of labeling everyone in there.

Bitched by a bitch, you'll get a reply from a bitch too.

By the way, can't wait to watch movie tomorrow with Hilal.

Wishes

It's 2.30 freaking am and yet I am not asleep. My head starting to hurt somehow. Probably going to hit the pills again if the whole sleeping-therapy thing is not going to work.

I have work to attend tomorrow. Bet I am going to be a walking zombie by the lake tomorrow. Hope I don't sleep-walked into the lake instead. As my previous post I stated that I am going to be around Shah Alam lake tomorrow doing God knows what and with God knows who.

I am not someone you would invite to a sleepover as it is hard for me to fall asleep. I would ended up watching you sleeping. Everybody who had me over to their place would have known the fact it's hard to get Eryn to sleep even though she just travelled from east to west in a single day trip or hitting her head with a frying pan doesn't seem to be working neither. I wouldn't doze off.

This whole insomnia issue got to be resolved by New Year as I am killing myself softly pieces and bits everyday.

Checimy, I need you. Please come back home.

It's already 3am. Need to put my soul to rest or at least try to do so. I won't try to count flying sheep or try to recite the alphabets backwards, probably just lay down and think of a solid topic to blog on. I don't want to bore my faithful  readers in reading snippets of my daily musings.

Yes Eryn, please flip the light bulb back on. Please don't let these people down. They've waited for the whole 3 long-ass donkey years and all you've talked about so far is your twisted sunshine, crying under water and a picture of a Diet Coke?!

May I have a splendid Wednesday by the lake tomorrow.

Night my Loves.

Short notes:

I wish I didn't have these doubts and I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.

Well, probably you're just sleeping. I miss your snores.

Can you cry under water?

Title of this post has nothing to do with what I'm about to talk about. Just random thought I had while showering back then. I mean can we cry under water? In the movies they always show scenes where the female character gets emotional and get into the bathroom to like wash away all the pain from them and cry right under the shower head. Well thats scene number one.

Scene number two, water is running while they lean on the bathroom wall and cry.

Scene number three, you don't see the character, nor the bathroom wall, just water drizzling down the tiles/bathtub with blood spinning making a circle shape. That's when she died or probably she was just having her period.

So I've tried re-enacting scene number one. It doesn't work that way apparently. Tears stop once my face hits the water. If someone here could cry underwater do call me or show me how you do it to prove my theory is wrong.

Had some stalker guy harassing me on the phone, which I don't care to elaborate. Put him on block call list already.

What a day.

Well couldn't really call it a day yet as it is only 5 mins to 5 pm. But then I just feel like rambling over here as it takes my mind off stuff. It is good to be back here. Some said I'm starting to blog much because of that damn 3 long-ass donkey years hiatus. Some said it is good that I'm channeling myself over here instead of trying to cheer myself up with delayed devotion feelings.

It looks like it is going to rain again. Already opened my windows, pulling up my curtains to let the cool breeze swept in. Cleaned the room. I have like a little pile of laundry to do which I am going to attempt to tomorrow after I get back from work.

Yes. Work.

Need to head down to the Shah Alam lake around 4pm tomorrow. Doing what? I am not sure yet. Just being told to get my ass down there tomorrow to help Safwan by Reuben yesterday night.

He said be there at 5. I was like "5 freaking am?!".

Then he said no "Evening my dear." Before I hung up he said "Okay, 5pm would be too late. Be there by 4pm. Please."

So I guess tomorrow would be a post on what's happening at the lake.

Meaning I have to wake up early than usual. If I need to be there by 4pm, I should at least wake up around 12pm. Because my body clock just went haywire lately. Sleep late, waking up earliest by 1pm or worst 2.30pm.

Meanwhile nothing beats the day like having a glass of cold Diet Coke from the fridge. Actually forgotten that I had Coke in the fridge. Been losing temporary memory lately. Just now when someone asked me what did I do last weekend, I told him I totally forgotten. I really did. Maybe because of my sleeping hours are just crazy. Nick told me to go see doctor. I will soon.

I know what I need.

Not doctor or some prescriptions.

I need my twisted sunshine to come back shining in my sky. 

Short notes:
Heart you always my twisted sunshine.


Updates:
I took 1 hour and 26 minutes to finish this post, sheesh. 
Coke got me off the hook. 


Tee Hee.

Bubbles burst. Dreams steamrolled. Imperfections and cruelties of life glaringly clear. Crap facts noted. Love stinks.

If you’re a hopeless romantic, searching for Tom Cruise "You Complete Me" type of person, you better leave now. Because I’m about steamroll any Jerry Maguire-drenched happily-ever-after scenarios. Go now while your ideals are still in tact.

Been waking up to tears lately. Pain so deep that it aches in ways I’ve never felt before. I used to think. “If it’s so hard it musn’t be true love. True love has a meant-to-be-ness about it that’s gotta make everything easier. Like, if it’s that hard, then it just ain’t right. Right? My relationship with my own self is complicated, how could I expect it to be simple with another? 

I hardly talk to him anymore, it was a few words before everything got into a mess. She knows we’re ____________ .  I guess and all the things that were unique and special about me are things she’s starting to do. He won’t need me anymore and just the way he says things lately is enough to kill me.

I’m so incredibly stupid. I should just keep to myself, any time I’ve ever taken a risk I end up being told there is someone better than me. I’m tired of coming in second, tired of someone else always being better.

It’s so hurtful to keep getting told how great and awesome you are but not good enough because they need something else. Some physical attribute that I don’t have. I shouldn’t want someone who thinks like that, I tell myself it all the time but you get pulled in and you’re told you’re great only to have the rug snatched out from under you and your head hits the hard floor. One of these days it’s going to happen and my head is just going to smash to a million tiny pieces.

If she’s so great why do you keep talking to me? 

Why do you keep talking to other girls? 

What the fuck is wrong with you?

With this pain it’s easier for other ones to keep surfacing. It’s like a gashed open wound and all the blood and puss just keep coming through. I keep thinking about someone who told me how important personality is and how it’s so much more important than looks yet while taking me out for a drink kept texting this other girl the entire time. Then a kiss and the words it’s really not fair to her.

If it’s not fair to her why  would you do that to me? What about what is fair to me? The worst part about it, we’re still ___________. It’s like a guy needs to make sure they emotionally destroy me before just being friends. Why do I keep getting punished?

I can’t do this anymore so I stopped talking to the guy above. From time to time he says hi, whatever.

Short notes:

How can something be "new" and "improved"? If it's new, what was it improving on?

(This post is fictitious, I'm not referring to any particular person nor talking about myself neither)

When it rains...

It's been a while since it rained here in Shah Alam. As I am typing this rain is pouring heavily outside my window. I hate the rain actually because usually it would like destroy my plans, well not really destroy but more like dampen the mood of going out.

But recently I've come to love the rain and sort of miss it when it is not raining.

Why?

Because rain is what brought us together.

When it rains, mother would make a pot of tea accompanied with butter cookies or home-made banana fritters, in my mother's case she would get her banana-fritters under the Ketapang tree stall somewhere near my house.

Family would get together around the coffee table and chat. A cup of sugary tea feels so warm and sweet although it is not specially brewed from Starbucks.

Friends would call up each other for a cup of Joe at their favourite mamak.

When it rains, long distance couple would stay home and get online exchanging never ending messages on their messengers. Hearts thrown to each other on a simple line we called the Internet. Emoticons replaced undivided emotions and sometimes they'll just go "Hahaha" all the way although their partner is not making any sense just to keep them happy. Or some chose to have never ending arguments.

When it rains, some couple decided to stay in watch illegal downloaded movies copied from friends and snuggle. Boring movies such as the retro "Honey I've Shrunk the Kids" series seems to be entertaining although you've watched it like way back in the 90's.

Some however, used the rain reason to get closer and (you know what happens next).

When it rains, some chose to hang out more longer with friends because it's too wet to run back to get the car. Some ended up arguing with bf/gf over the phone or smses because their partner didn't believe in the whole "cannot run back to the car because it is raining" reason and think that their partner is cheating on them. Well that happens to me before where he told me "Its not that you're riding a motorcycle, it's a car - hence you're not going to get wet". It wasn't my fault as I didn't have the umbrella with me that time. I don't predict the rain.

I have my reasons why I love the rain.

It make me feel loved. Closer. Blessed with the people around me.

When it rains, hot cocoa and satin blankets comforter could never go wrong.

Green tea bought from Mid Valley Japanese stall, felt like it was infused with love although it was only blenched with hot tap water in your free-gifts mugs.

And,

When it rains, thats the time I got to stay in with you.

Short notes:

I hope it rained again tomorrow although you're not here.

Updates:
Someone care to remind me it was satin comforter and not blanket as I've mentioned. Didn't know he still remembered.

Someone also said I've sounded so loving in this blog post.

Are you trying to tell me I was all sad and gloomy all these while?

Oh well. I've changed babe.

Worst or the better?

God knows.

After 3 long-ass donkey years.

I am back bitches.

It's been a long hiatus from blogging for me, but I'm back. Here, I'll make some excuses:

1. I usually take the leap year off from blogging, and it just kind of got away from me.

2. I ended up suffering from a "persistent, intractable migraine" which had me cowering in a dark room for over 3 years, and even in the hospital for almost 1 year. I can now tell you what true misery is like.

Ok, so I only have 2 excuses, and only one of those is really a 'reasonable' one. Haha. Fine, I can accept that. But I'm back and should be back to blogging regularly shortly. I hoped I still have the talent to write like how I used to.

Today is my first day back at blogging after 3 years of hiatus with the busy schedule of my life. I was finding it a little hard to get my brain back into blogging mode. Some responded by suggesting I write a post on the daily rituals that I use to get my mind into gear.

I thought I’d take their suggestion and jot down a few notes – both as a way of getting my head back into blogging but also because looking at the tweets I received this morning it’s a problem many bloggers face.

As my head is a little scattered today (as I readjust) I’m going to tackle this readjusting mode as soon as possible.

It's been a while, since I last rant on this blog. I've thought of starting a new blog and discard this one, but I would love my readers to see how I've grown, not in size but in my way of thinking. Surprisingly people still do read my blog and send me text messages every now and then asking me to get my ass back to blogging but I've told them I was looking for the right moment and the right time to start again.

So is today the right moment?

I woke up this morning pondering these ideas I had, wondering if I could just decide to find more of it in all the activities before me as I climbed out of bed. I decided I could and would. I'd approach this blog like it was the first time I was doing it.

Theres a lot of updating, editing, throwing to be done to this blog and hoped I could get back on track just before New Year.

A lot of ups and downs happened lately and I want to start my pre-blog post on "Joy and Happiness".

My fascination with joy started slowly about two years ago when I began to get a little crazy in life. The fact that happiness is a state of being we can choose. Like centeredness, we can memorize what happiness feels like in the mind and body and go there on purpose.

True happiness connects us with what's meaningful in life. We learn to develop gratitude, awe and wonder, central characteristics of happy people.

We learn to notice what is good. Happiness isn't only something that happens to us. Happiness is a choice.

What are you happy about today? Nothing pops up?

Then try this: Just decide to be happy, then look for the reasons.

I've found my reason to be happy today, which is getting my ass back to blogging.

Let us all gives Eryn a welcome back pat on the back. She deserves it.

Short notes:
Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to start writing again and thanks to my faithful readers from all over the country. Love you guys bits and loads. Will come up with a topic to rant on as soon as possible.

Updates:
The blog skin is going to stink for a while as I am still in the process of editing and updating it. So this pre-loaded blog skin from Blogger will do for now. Thanks to the Blogger team for making it easy for me to get back on track.